You Took My Best Friend Away

I will tell you exactly how i am doing ever since the police took the speed radar trailer……
I am an Autistic person whose brain is wired differently
Changes can be often very traumatic for me
Ever since the police took the speed radar trailer away from me
i can barely sleep.
i have to take two Ativans instead of one to get through my days
I feel sick all of the time
i feel like i have butterflies of dread in my stomach all the time
i dread having to wake up each day
my street is right back to wild fast and loud again
i feel as though they took my best friend away
when they took the speed radar trailer away
for it became someone who i “talked” to, someone who understood me
someone who was just like a real Guardian Angel
that kept the street and me calm
that even kept the bullies from tormenting me
i was even going outside to watch it working everyday
i was actually warming up to some of the people i would meet each day
while sitting outside watching the sign
ever since they took the speed trailer
i have felt even more housebound and boxed in again
i have gone back to not feeling safe here again
i feel very vulnerable and scared again
i cry alot
i feel a deep ache and an emptiness in me
this is what happens when you take something away that an Autistic person was actually attached to
there is nothing wrong with me, this is how many Autistics cope with the harsh world outside that still to this day does not get or understand or accept us as we are
i liken the taking of this sign to a cruel father coming into his little girl’s own bedroom
right when it is at his little girl’s bedtime,
and taking her treasured teddy bear that she sleeps with for comfort safety and friendship and yanking it cruelly away, then expecting that little girl to go to sleep quietly
just as normal, without even one little whimper, when all that little girl wants to do is cry and sob brokenheartedly
Because Daddy took her treasured teddy bear
who was her one true friend on earth
I am lonely and have very few in real life friends
all of my good friends are on Facebook, but live in other states and other parts of the world
my family has always shunned and ignored me—-not my mom.—–but all the rest of them have always shunned me, and they stilldo to this day
so as a little girl
i learned to develop a safe world of my own—-my own cocoon— where i go where i have imaginary friends
that i made out of certain
roads
highways
electronics
i did this then, i still do this now, because of so many things
and yes, this included the two speed radar trailers that were placed on my street this year
and the second one i became even more attached to than i did the first one, because of how the number fonts looked on it
how the numbers would go up and down in real time
i loved its bright red SLOW DOWN sign
i loved the way it looked like a petite cute sign trailer
i made “her” my friend again
when they took her, they took my main source of daily happiness and joy away
i have once again lost my ability and freedom to feel i can go outside
i lost her protection
i have been a real mess without that speed radar trailer
sick and cannot sleep or eat much.
yesterday i even imagined myself as i got up from my computer, just walking away out of my body and walking away from all of this,
ifelt i could actually do this and walk to where i would once again feel safe
yes, i almost had an out of body experience yesterday
this is exactly how deeply and profoundly it is affecting my whole being having that speed radar trailer gone
i really want and need that sign to come back
if not, i need to get my own, please.
Please help me to get that so i can be at peace again.

https://www.gofundme.com/2ckkdc4

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