The reason why i have elected to tell all of my story online, including how i grew up, is for several reasons. And it is NOT with any malicious intent, although i still hurt deeply, more than any of you can know or realize, by how the majority of my family treated me growing up, and how they still treat me today.
I cope with my life by venting, using my ability to put all of these feelings that get pent up within me, into words, because to keep these emotions inside, would be bad for me, as in me having many more frequent meltdowns, shutdowns, and how it could even affect me even further healthwise……
but i am not here, nor have i ever been here, to slam my family just for the sake of slamming them. I am here on the internet to educate everyone and make the point that how our families treat those of us who are disabled can greatly make or break us.
I am here to tell any of you who are non-accepting of a disabled family member, to please stop and think how you are affecting and hurting that person, and how you would like it if you were disabled and got treated that way.
I am here telling my story because i want people to know how we disabled people hurt way down deep inside when our family ignores and shuns us, and puts up walls between us and them, and when they do acknowledge us, it is with negativity, derision, hate, disgust, teasing us, taunting us, using our fears against us, as what did happen to me growing up.
It is not just to try to make my siblings realize how they greatly hurt me, but how it greatly hurts all disabled people when their families elect to treat them as second and third class citizens, to make fun of them, exploit them, tease them, and bully them. Because guess what? We DO notice how we are treated, and made to feel. We notice the looks, the stares, the whispers, the sneers, and plots to play yet another prank or head game with us, just because you feel you can.
To all the families out there who are doing this to a disabled member, when you do these things, you are making that human being feel like they don’t belong, like they are wrong, and damaged goods, and like they have no right to even be alive. That is wrong…on ALL fucking levels….and again…i implore you to stop doing this to the real human being God has placed in your midst.
Your disabled daughter, son, brother, sister, cousin, niece, nephew, aunt, uncle, needs your love, and acceptance. They need to know you value them, that their feelings matter, that you have their back, that they are not cut off, that they are not all alone, that THEY MATTER. They are not here for you to use as your punching bag, or to use, or exploit or take your hate and anger out on. They need to know you care. Nothing kills a human spirit than when people discard, dismiss, muzzle, and silence another human being just because they are different.
So, just stop it, and start loving and accepting and getting to know the disabled family member. Take them places. Listen to them. Really listen. Without interrupting and trying to finish sentences for them, or assuming they are going to say what you think they are going to say, because you don’t know until you’ve heard all that they have meant to say. Don’t ridicule that person’s quirks and phobias and rituals or way of talking and communicating. If they flap their hands, or twirl their hair, or rock back and forth, it is okay.
It’s all about respect, dignity, acceptance and unconditional love.