Monthly Archives: October 2015

I Am 55 Now….What Is There Left For Me?

I did not win last night’s Powerball lottery either.
When you are poor, 55 years old, have never worked, and have lived trapped unable to escape a bad neighborhood with bullies for the past 24 years,
When you are Autistic and no one understands you except your long-distance friends who do get you, your mom, two nice sisters, and your caregiver,
but the whole entire rest of your family all ignore you and hate you for telling your story online, instead of seeing why i had to tell my story
and there are no resources, no help available, yes, some of us dream and hope for things like the lottery to be our way out of our trap.

I am so lonely i hurt inside and out.
I am so depressed i feel like there is no light at the end of my tunnel.
I keep on losing friends because either they can’t take the intensity of my situation, or they just get pissy and mean.
I still don’t get to go places because of my legs, and because i still don’t have the mobility equipment i need, and ramps so i can get in and out, and i had to stop driving in 2012.
I have actually become frightened of going anywhere alone, and must have someone with me everywhere i do go now.

I so love it when my caregiver comes each day, as she and i do alot of talking and laughing. If she had a newer car that didn’t need repairs, she would take me to the coast.
But when she isn’t here, i have no one to talk to, hang out with, visit with, so i go on Facebook.
I do also talk to my mom every day, and sometimes one of my nice sisters.
But lately, my depression has gotten so deep i am left with no spoons most of the time….no spoons, no energy, and no strength.
With the huge leg tumor on the inside of my left thigh that goes from my groin to below my left knee….things such as hopping in the shower, even with help, has become so tiring….and it hurts me to stand long enough to even pop food in my microwave now… hurts from my whole lower back, down both legs and feet.
It has also become difficult for me to get in and out of any vehicle, except for a regular four door passenger car. Even that takes me having to get creative as to how i get in and out due to this lump.
Here i am at age 55.
All i have is a lifetime of this same kind of loneliness and isolation.

Back when the leg lump was smaller, i would beg and beg my doctor and the people at the lymphedema clinic to help me, and they refused……so this lump just got bigger and bigger and bigger…..and i fear that someday i will need to be put in a nursing home where i will then lose what freedom i have left, altogether.

I wish to God, someone would see my story and help me before it’s too late.

MY Ten Things I Learned From Bullying, as an Autistic:

Cambria's Big Fat Autistic Blog

OK, let me talk about “10 Perks Kids With Autism Get From Bullying,” the article from Autism Daily Newscast that has autistics up in arms. For starters, I ran the title by my mother, who said it was “foolish.” Her word, not mine. Let me say for now that it is like saying “10 Benefits African Americans Get From Racism.,” an article not written (yet) that would cause an extreme outrage and protest all its own. You can google the shameful, ableist article that justifies ostracizing kids through physical and mental violence, which is the textbook definition of bullying.

What I Learned From Bullying:

1) Avoid anyone my age. No one relates to me. 

To this day, I do not have any close friends who were born between 1974 and 1983. (I was born in 1977, in case you were wondering.) All my classmates live far away, and I…

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Bullying is abuse, and abuse has no perks

Silence Breaking Sound

TW: Bullying and victim-blaming

I ran across the following link, or rather a screenshot of it, posted on Facebook by a good friend of mine. The title itself was enough to get my hackles up, as an autistic adult who experienced bullying: “10 Perks Kids with Autism Get from Bullying”.

I will say this — I was honestly bracing for a lot worse, mostly because I’ve heard a lot worse, as far as blaming the victim and downplaying the impact of bullying goes. Still, in attempting to for whatever reason find a bright side to bullying, the author, a speech language pathologist and Applied Behavior Analysis instructor named Karen Kabaki-Sisto, frames the problem and makes assumptions about how it plays out that don’t do the autistic youth who experience it any favors.

Making bullying about the “opportunities” it provides for parents, schools and peers takes the focus away…

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There Are No “Perks” To Being Bullied.

I was also bullied, and am still the victim of bullying even as an adult. Because adults bully too.

I live my life in constant fight or flight mode, will no longer go anywhere by myself, and have stopped driving again due to mean bullies in my life.

Anyone who writes that bullying is good and has perks, has no fuckin’ clue how bullying can ruin a person’s whole life!! I too have PTSD, trust issues, and almost daily and nightly nightmares. Bullying is something that needs to be stopped. We are human beings, and NO human being should EVER have to go through being bullied.

Parenting Autistic Children With Love & Acceptance

TW: bullying, abuse, rape, sexual assault, ableism, ABA

For some inexplicable reason, Autism Daily Newscast thought it would be a great idea to publish this article on the “perks” of bullying.  Written by an “ABA instructor”.   The irony of a professional bully writing about the perks of bullying is not lost on those of us at Parenting Autistic Children With Love & Acceptance either.  

My trauma is not your teachable moment.  My PTSD is not an opportunity for non-Autistic people to “learn” about “autism awareness”.  And unlike what the author of this piece said to me on Twitter, it is not about using my “hurt” for strength.  

Image: Twitter conversation between @wileyautlibrary, @chromesthesia and @karensisto @WileyAutLibrary says: .@AutismDNews This is so irresponsible and horrifying. Kids do not benefit from being bullied! They develop PTSD and are traumatized! @chromesthesia responds: @WileyAutLibrary @AutismDNews THANK YOU! Damn! Benefits from bullying. might as well say being pushed into a pit of fire ants is beneficial @karensisto responds: @chromesthesia @WileyAutLibrary @AutismDNews Spider, We cant stop bullies 100%. We can choose 2 use hurt as strength. Glad u commented. @wileyautlibrary responds: @KarenSisto @chromesthesia @AutismDNews Yeah, I am not your example of strength. I was fucking gang raped by bullies. This is irresponsible Image: Twitter conversation between @wileyautlibrary, @chromesthesia and @karensisto
@WileyAutLibrary says:
.@AutismDNews This is so irresponsible and horrifying. Kids do not benefit from being bullied! They develop PTSD and are traumatized!
@chromesthesia responds:
@WileyAutLibrary @AutismDNews THANK YOU! Damn! Benefits from bullying. might…

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Ten Perks Kids with Autism Get from Bullying: The Honest Version

My friend’s response to the article “Ten Perks…..”

A Hell On Earth

So Autism Daily Newscast continues their trend of fucking up spectacularly.  This time they published an article by an ABA practitioner (aka professional bully) about all the benefits of Autistic kids being bullied.  I guess it makes sense that an ABA practitioner would write something like this, they do need to defend their livelihoods, right?

Anyway, here’s my more honest version of the article.

1. Promoting Autism Friendly Programs: Discrimination leads to social justice! Be thankful for Autistic peoples’ rights being violated because it gives them the experience of fighting for basic human respect and dignity. Similarly, black people should be thankful for slavery, Jim Crow laws, mass incarceration and continuous violence from law enforcement. Without that good old discrimination they wouldn’t have a civil rights movement. GO BIGOTRY AND INTOLERANCE!
2. Team Work: Your child being abused will allow you, the parent, to build a better relationship with…

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this is why i talk about this stuff

radical access mapping project

hey all,
please take a few moments to read this, especially (but not only) if you consider yourself an “ally” to disabled folks, or just to me.

The reason i continue to talk about inaccessibility is that inaccessibility is but one (though certainly not the only) direct outcome of ableism. It is a huge, inescapable one.

It is part of the oppression of large swaths of variously disabled folks.

And it negatively impacts me every day. It marks me. It does real damage to my heart, my emotions, my opportunities, my health, my communities, my body, my trust, my will to keep going, my liberation. It damages me in ways that non-disabled folks don’t understand and often don’t want to understand. It causes me at times to wonder what the point is of going on. It hasn’t killed me yet, but it has killed people in my life, and i…

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