Monthly Archives: June 2015

Talking To Your Autistic Child About Autism

Parenting Autistic Children With Love & Acceptance

image: rainbow colored textured background with white text that reads: Talking to your Autistic child about autism. image: rainbow colored textured background with white text that reads: Talking to your Autistic child about autism.

Should I tell my child that they are Autistic?


Your child already knows that they are different from most other people. They might not have a word for it, they might not be able to pinpoint what makes them different, but I have yet to meet an Autistic person who did not know instinctively and from a very young age that they were “different”.

Hiding this type of important information about themselves from your child is telling them that the thing that makes them “different” is not okay….in fact…it is a bad thing.

Pretending it’s not there doesn’t make it go away, it just causes confusion, hurt and shame.

Will telling my child about their diagnosis just allow them to use it as an “excuse” to misbehave?

Autistic children are not using…

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Disabled genders

Awesomely well said, Shain!!! 🙂 ❤ ❤ ^

Silence Breaking Sound

If an alien were to visit certain parts of Earth and take a look at many of the bathroom doors here, they’d see a regular bathroom for the figure in a dress, a regular bathroom for the figure in pants, and a single stall for the figure in a wheelchair.  Based on this, they might well come to the conclusion that human society recognizes three genders: man, woman, and disabled.  And, as far as how nondisabled people think about disability, they might not be totally wrong.

Disability is seen and treated as simultaneously emasculating and defeminizing.  On the one hand, it’s often assumed that disabled people lack some of the most prized qualities associated with masculinity — namely, physical strength and a keen intellect.  Meanwhile, we’re not considered to have positive traditionally feminine traits such as beauty and social graces either.  If anything, we get assumed to have the worst traits attributed…

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“Code” a Poem for H by N.I. Nicholson

A poem for Leah Kelley’s son H, by Ni. I. Nicholson. This was beautiful. I relate. I too have my own Melissa-speak that only i, and those who are closest to me, understand.

Thirty Days of Autism

A few seasons later… and I am still left breathless by the beauty of these words and images.

By N.I. Nicholson

Dear H: for those of us to whom words
sometimes do not easily run, saunter, or even
amble: we speak in code. We think in code. We
construct our languages painstakingly
like little Tolkiens, separated by time, distance, and space:
but the Hobbits and the Elves ain’t got
nothing on us. We have the dexterity
of pictures, objects, or even
moving film to send messages to world,

or even to our own selves. Like
ladybugs made of burnished cinnabar
inlaid with little obsidian gems, loud like volcanoes,
each careful crafted by a God hand
and set loose to fly away home: these
little three-dimensional living hieroglyphics
exist so that your neighbor Mrs. L
can hold her place in time and never collapse
or fold up inside forgetful darkness…

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Dangerous Assumptions

Just Stimming...

There is this thing that happens sometimes.

Parent has an autistic child. Autistic child doesn’t speak, or their speech isn’t an accurate window into what they are thinking. Autistic child is presumed to be very significantly intellectually disabled.

Years later, a method of communication is found that works for the child, and it turns out that they are in fact very smart. Very smart! The parents are overjoyed. They begin talking about presuming competence, the least dangerous assumption, that not being able to speak is not the same as not having anything to say.

They are so, so excited.

And they start talking about all the incorrect assumptions they had. If we’d known, they say, we wouldn’t have done X. If we had known they could read, think, hear us.

And it’s a big problem, because the way they talk…..they think the problem was that they treated their child like…

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Another About Me….Please Understand, Once And For All!!

First of all, i do not want to have to keep on apologizing for the way i am anymore.

This is me, and this is who i will be till the day i die.

I am not neurotypical; nor will i ever be; i am Autistic.

I was born this way, and due to lack of supports growing up,

i have become very set in my ways at the age 55 years.

I have spent my entire lifetime trying my best to fit in, to get help

from one agency after another, after another, after another

so that i could lead a decent life.

But i fell through the cracks due to misconceptions, stigma, and

having functioning labels slapped on me

and wrong diagnoses

and being misjudged and misunderstood.

Along the way, i have learned alot of my own unique coping mechanisms that work for me.

But along the way, people have tried to fix and cure me

and it never works because it is done without understanding

by non-Autistic people who don’t get and don’t want to get Autism

And because i happened to grow up in a family where i had little support and acceptance,

and lots and lots of harsh criticism, taunts, teasing, and being made fun of

i grew up always being afraid of harsh blunt people

I am not spoiled. I never was spoiled.

I am not physically lazy, nor am i intellectually lazy.

Neither am i mean and selfish.

As an Autistic, i see things differently. I hear things more loudly.

I am more sensitive than a normal person is, to

bright light,



tones of voice,

looks people gve me,

body language

and certain types of loud noises.

I don’t do people things well

I may be 55, but my mind, in some ways, is still childlike.

I am strong in some ways, very timid in other ways

When i say i cannnot do something, i mean what i say.

When i say i do not know how to ignore things that upset and trigger me, i mean what i say!

I lack the ability to ignore and get over things

It take me time to get over things that happen that have upset me.

And i have to talk and write about it to process through it.

It’s the only way i know how to cope.

I know my body and mind and thoughts inside and out.

No one else does.

I know what i can and cannot handle.

And i know in my heart of hearts

that i am a deeply compassionate and kind-hearted person,

and that i would give anyone the shirt off of my back.

I do not lie, cheat or steal.

Nor do i ever set out to be mean, ever!

I have always been very sensitive to sudden and unexplained changes.

If people rush me, i will shut down and melt down.

I have always, always, been unable to take criticism

that is meted out to me in a manner that is harsh and blunt,

because i take that as an attack on my very personhood.

I take it as the person is belittling me and turning against me.

There are ways to say things that can be said in a kind way.

But if i percieve that anyone is becoming impatient with me, and angry with me,

i will get scared of that person, and i start to shut down like a frightened rabbit.

If i feel i am being talked over, and not heard, i will become afraid and intimidated.

And i will withdraw.

Please understand, i grew up being told i was an “incapable” person

this was drilled into me so much i believed it.

Please understand, there is the power of life and death in the human tongue.

What you say can either lift a person up, or break them to their very core

to where unrepairable damage can be done to that person

Sadly, my physical health has gone so much downhill

that i have had to give up much of my independence

and am today, at the mercy of caregivers to help me with a vast many of my nneeds now

this has sadly left me open and vulnerable to alot of abuse

i can no longer drive and go places like i used to

that makes me very depressed…

and i often suffer from terrible loneliness when my caregiver is not here

i also have a large lymphedema tumor on the inside of my left thigh which really hampers my mobility

along with the lymphedema i have on both of my legs, making them swollen as it is

Please understand and have patience with me,

because this is so hard for me to live like this day in and day out, and not be able to

move to a quiet neighborhood away from the bullies that i still have here who still torment me

and i am not able to get the surgery i need to remove that leg tumor

i am limited, and i feel very trapped, like i am in jail

it is hard for me some days to put on a happy smile and be okay and

always easy to get along with.

Please……i beg you……please, once and for all…..understand and accept me as i am,

please validate my interests, likes, dislikes, and who i am, and my feelings too

i am Liberal, Pro-Choice, Pro-LGBTQ, and i am zero tolerance on racism, and on

anyone who abuses others, both children and adults,

either sexually, physically, mentally, emotionally, or financially

I was not put on this earth to add to anyone’s suffering.

I’m still a human being who has feelings that get so hurt when

people i love are angry at me and i think they disapprove of me.

Please read this with an open and compassionate heart, and please understand.

Please don’t shut me down when i want and need to talk and vent and talk things out.

It’s the only way i can process things so i can get through things.

And please remember, i am doing the best that i know how to do.

I am Autistic, not a monster or a criminal.

Thank you. I love you, everyone.