Tag Archives: Self Advocates Who Abuse & Exploit

True Friend, Or Fake Friend?

The following is my rant about a friend i met here on Facebook two years ago, who lives somewhere in the Eastern US, who came to be like a sister to me: It is my strong view that i was royally screwed over by her. She became my friend in Sept. of 2012, promising me right off the bat, 

that because she knew all about me, 

that because she knew exactly how to deal with me, and how not to deal with me, 

that because she knew all about what not to do to hurt me any further than i already was being hurt by mean caregivers, and others who did not get my Autism, that she was going to do everything to help me to be able to leave my neighborhood, Santa Maria, and even the state of California. She promised me that she was going to make everything right in my life. That i was going to be happy and have all of my lifelong dreams fulfilled by her. I beleived her. I truly believed her.

In January of this year, she finally convinced me to talk my mother into selling the two units where i have lived for the past 23 years. Even though my mother needed the rental income. Due to more convincing by her, she made me feel that my promised land was going to be M. And so, to that end, i actually set out to make serious plans, that when these units were going to be sold, that i was going to move back to her hometown to live, and have a brand new happy life, free from the bullies, and with excellent healthcare and Autism services!! 

I really had my heart set on moving to M, because, for one thing, M is one of many Eastern states that i have always longed to see ever since i was a 10 year old girl, as M is a very beautiful state!! I truly felt in my heart of hearts, that i would be moving there by at least June of this year!! This lady told me that when i got back there, she was going to take me totally under her wing and help me with anything and everything. 

She told me she was going to set me up temporarily in her house, with my very own bedroom and bathroom…and that i was even going to be a full-on part of her family, something she also knew that i really want and crave in my life, because my own family, most of them, sadly, ignore and shun me. But sadly, none of this was ever meant to happen after all, because most of the things she said she was going to do for me, kept not getting done.

In addition, she was going to set me up with a website, yes, even my very own website, but that never happened either. She was also supposed to make several phone calls for me and never followed through with those either. She is a lady who touts herself as a self advocate and an Autism advocate who has over twenty years of experience dealing with Autistic children and adults. But i truly believe now that she seems to like to exploit people’s vulnerabilities and then drop them and turn them into villains when she can’t deliver on her promises. Or when they dare to stand up to her. In addition, i came to find out that this lady has a very hot temper, and she seems to be very quick to get pissed off and lose it easily with those who disagree, challenge, or cross her in any way. I noticed she would turn against other people alot, and then talk about all the ways she could, and would, get even with them. It did scare me, but i continued on as her friend, because i really felt she would be different with me, and that she could help me, as she kept dangling the prospect of how great my new life in M was going to be. I truly believed with all of my heart and soul that she was going to get me back there, and that she was going to help me find my own nice place on my housing assistance voucher. That’s just it: i truly believed her promises!!

I grew to love this woman even though she seems to be a very aggressive and angry person, because she had that very sweet side to her. And she was so convincing!! She told me all the time that her phone was open to me 24/7/365….literally!! That if i could not reach her at her number, i could call her husband’s phone, and he would get her to call me. I took her at her word, and i did call her alot, because i came to depend on her. She also would call me, even several times when i was right in the middle of watching YouTube videos, something i need and love to do during the night to help me calm down from my stressful days. She was well aware that i loved my routine of nightly YouTube watching, but would call anyway, and keep me on the phone for literally hours, till my whole night’s routine was ruined. For an Autistic person, it is often quite devastating to us to have our routines interrupted, as we need those routines in order to cope better with all of the sensory input life gives us. It throws me totally off to have my routines and rituals interrupted.

So yes, i did call her alot, and i learned to lean on her with all my might, until she the night of March 17th, 2014, when she became downright belligerant and said how much i was taking away from her in terms of her health, sleep, family, even food…..yes, last month, she suddenly turned on me and my friends, and then it was all over. (During the course of hers and my friendship though, she would often tell me how much she was sacrificing to be a friend to me—-but would always be quick to tell me that she did it because she enjoyed me, and cared about me, and that she chose to do this for me, because she loved me like a sister.) But to be honest, she would rile me up during those phone calls, and rile me way up to the point where i would be in a state of even more anxiety and distress than i was before getting on the phone with her. During these often nightly phone calls, she would often go into long spells of loud babble modes where she would talk, talk, talk, and talk, so much, and so loudly, that it was just like a huge wall of talk, where i would not be able to talk at all, and i would literally have to scream at her to penatrate those babble modes, so i could talk. This added greatly to my already overflowing anxiety and sensory overload. I am not trying to be mean to the lady; i knew she had problems and issues, but this was just too much for me. And then she would actually get me to turn against people. I was often in crisis mode during these calls, due to ongoing problems with bad caregivers, and the noise and bullying issues on the street, so i needed her to be my rock. I often had to have her call the cops for me, as i am afraid to call them myself. I did have alot of meltdowns when talking to her too, both because of the distress i was already in due to my caregivers, and due to the street, plus the distress it caused me on top of that, to not be able to penatrate her babble modes.

Even so, i was quite crushed when she turned on me and my friends the night of March 17th, 2014….and i tried my best to get her to tell me why she was so angry at me and my friends now. I wrote her three messages via Facebook, then three emails to try to find out. I also unfriended and blocked her, because i was now frightened of her due to how she got with us in our private chatroom the night of March 17th.

To cope with these kinds of things, and to help me be able to process through these kinds of things, such as fallings-out with people, and caregivers, i NEED to be free to write about it, so i vented as i usually do, on my Facebook wall, and in a new private chat i have set up with a few of my most trusted friends, so i can discuss things that i can’t out in the open. My vents and blogs were carefully writen so as to not reveal this lady’s identity or her specific location. I KNEW these vents and blogs were legally written. Even so, she found out through one of my other friends in that chat, (a friend who is now deleted and blocked, because she betrayed my trust and confidence by going to the lady in M and tattling on me), that i was venting, and even though, in my vents and my blogs, i never mentioned The M Lady’s name or her specific location, M Lady went to one of my other friends and began writing her, rant after long rant, threatening me that if i did not take all of my blogs down, again, even though i have every right to write what i did, as it is NOT lies, and i never mentioned her name or her specific location, and it IS part of my story, she threatened me with both civil and criminal charges, and even prison. She went onto even call the police to my house at 2 AM the morning of Tuesday, April 1st, 2014, alleging (falsely) that i was going to commit suicide, that i had a daily history of self harm, and that i needed to be sent to a psych ward. Even though she had no evidence to support her allegations. She still took it upon herself to call the police on me that night. When the officers came, i was on the phone to another friend, who is witness to this, and we both told them i was fine, that this friend was upset at me due to a fallout we had had, and was doing this (calling of the police on me) just out of her spite towards me. Out of fear, i had to take my blogs down.

Please, if any of you get to know anyone like this lady, anyone who comes on strongly to you with promises that just sound “too good to be true”, do not let people like that suck you in. Watch your back with those who “promise you the moon”, please!!

Talk to your friends and family and get their advice about how to proceed with that person who comes into your life to help you. Have them even talk to the person who has come into your life saying how much they can solve any issues you are having. Investigate them, and have your family and friend investigate them. Chances are pretty good that if they make promises that sound too grandiose, those promises probably are grandiose, and it is very likely that person is just blowing hot air out of their mouths to try to lure you in so they can use you to boost their ego and alleged reputation as a good advocate!! 

As i stated before, the particular lady who i was friends with, has recently turned on me and several of my friends, and now refuses to make things right. In fact, she is now calling me a liar, saying that i am selfish, that i twist things, and that i even burst her eardrum with my last phone call to her because of the meltdown i was having. She has falsely accused me of being rude and abusive, when i was just trying to stand up to her. She has now made threats to sue me, and to file both civil and criminal charges against me if i don’t “SHUT UP.” In addition, in the weeks leading up to our falling out, she also changed things to where i was now going to be getting her formal dining room to stay in, yes, her formal dining room, which is right off of her KITCHEN behind two glass French doors, which she knows would be VERY noisy for me, NOT private, and i would have to walk through those doors through her kitchen, to use her master bathroom.

In addition, her loud talking spells were getting much worse, and my friends and i were seeing more signs of her losing her patience and temper with us and others. The night of March 17th, she was supposed to call the cops back with the address of a person who i perceived to be a threat to me, and she kept leading us to believe that call was not being made, and that added to my distress, and then things blew up from there, because when i lost my ability to chat in the group, i had one of the others in the group speak up for me, and the Lady From Michigan began to verbally lay into her. This made me get very frightened, and so i unfriended the Lady from M….and i blocked her too. Because i was now petrified of her.

In my strong opinion, that woman is not a true friend of the disabled community, so please, be careful of who befriends you, telling you that they can solve all of your problems!! Not everyone in this world are nice, trustworthy people.

I don’t feel that she was a nice person.

At all.