Tag Archives: Autistic People Vs. Law enforcement agencies

An Open Letter, Because I Am About To Run Away

I apologize upfront that this is not paragraphed properly. I did paragraph it properly, but everytime i go to re-edit it, it refuses to separate the paragraphs.

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I wrote the following letter to the chief of my city’s police dept., because i no longer seem to be getting anywhere with trying to get a new beat coordinator to help me with my still ongoing cancerous neighborhood issues. I sent it, thinking wow, i finally am going to get his ear, and he will get me the help i have been crying out for from my city’s police dept.!

In fact, now a sergeant, Sgt. R. M., who does not understand my plight and who thinks i should just snap my fingers and move—–oh yes, it’s just that easy—–and i mean that sarcastically, of course!!—-has now banned me from calling anyone but him about my neighborhood issues. it is not easy for me when people don’t—or won’t—take the time to understand–and they do what this sergeant has done, just lock me out. Now i am having the night from hell because now i want to run away.

But noooooo—as soon as i sent the very well-written email off to the police chief, i got a Daemon failure notice—-email failed to send because wrong DNS whatever.

So, i am going to publish that letter here, in hopes that the chief will some how, some way, come across it.

Dear Chief M,

I am finally writing to you because i am very upset about the way i am once again being treated and blown off by my city’s police department. I have reached the point where i feel i may need to take my story to the media.

Because i feel as though my police department has abandoned me again.

I am writing to let you know about my plight. I’m an Autistic 56 year old adult, who is in very poor physical health, and i have been housebound, unable to drive or go much of anywhere since April of 2012. I cannot even walk too far because of my legs. So, i am cooped up in this tiny 550-foot cottage on an almost 24/7 basis. My tiny home has become a prison and a torture chamber. I have become deeply depressed, and this depression grows deeper every day because i feel isolated and cut off from people, my community, and life. Yes, when people are nice and accepting of me, i am a people person who enjoys going places like the ocean, movies, church, out to eat, etc. But i don’t get to do those things anymore because of my failing health.
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I have lived here on *** Street for the past 25 years in a duplex that is owned by my mother. The past 24 of these years have been a hell that i have never been able to successfully escape…not for lack of trying….but being that i have never worked, all i have had to live on all of my adult years is my monthly Social Security benefits. I only continue to live here on *** Street because i have no where else to go. My hell is mainly caused by men who work and hang out at some of the nearby businesses who bully and terrorize me because they think it is a fun sport. I lack the filters to be able to ignore them, especially when they deliberately revv their motors, scream loud banshee yells at me, lay on their car horns, and blast their amplified loud thunder bass. These noises are severely painful for me to hear, and i scream and meltdown because of the agony this causes me.
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It is not like i can live my life with headphones and earplugs on 24/7, just to adapt my own home environment, where i should feel safe, to the outside world. I did not choose to move here, and believe me, if i had been able to choose where to live, it would have never been here. I live here only because it’s the only thing available for me.
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I used to feel safe when i knew i could always pick up the phone and have either Lt. K. G. or Lt. C. R. to talk to and help me, and then earlier this year, i had Jason. Now i am back to having no one to call and talk to. 
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My new beat coordinator, P. S., and Sgt. R. M. both tell my mother and i that they are too busy helping others to help me, and that is the God’s truth. I have talked to Officer S; my mom has talked to Sgt. R. M., and both seem to not have any real understanding of my circumstances. Nor do they seem to want to. In fact, today my mom was told that all future phone calls concerning my plight on *** Street are to now be referred to Sgt. R. M.
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I am afraid to talk to most people as a rule until i get to know them and feel safe with them. I am very timid about phone calls, because most people seem to lack a true understanding of my Autism, how it manifests, and what my plight with my living environment is. I deal the best with people who are friendly, open and accepting, people who make me feel that my feelings and needs are being truly validated. I shut down on people who are rude, curt, who don’t listen, who interrupt, talk over me, down to me, and treat me like i don’t matter. I have always been very afraid to deal with Sgt. R. M. because he is like that, and now it seems like i am being forced to.
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Two years ago, i remember that you talked to my friend H, and promised her that as long as you were chief, my calls for service would not be ignored any longer. And now, even Cmndr. K. G. ignores me. Which really hurts, because i have always considered him to be a real friend and ally.
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Here is what i am asking of you.
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1) Please don’t force me to have to work with either R. M. or P. S. anymore. Please find me someone who will be like Jason was, 
**who will get the speed trailer back on my street more often, on my side of the street where i can enjoy watching it work from my front lawn, 
**who will set me up with regular patrols, 
**who will talk to me,
**who will talk to my neighbors and explain to them how i am trapped here, how this is my home, and how the loud hot rodding, banshee yells, excessive horn honking, and thunder bass noise affects me worse than ever now because my physical health is failing now, and i can no longer go anywhere to escape it anymore.
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2) Please also ask Cmndr. K. G. to at least talk to me once a week. Again, i only feel safe with certain people, because when people are rude, condescending, talk down to me, or over me, and blow me off, that is a real sensory issue for me that keeps me upset for days, with meltdowns.
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The meltdowns i have when a car revvs its motor or blares their thunder bass, or people lay on their car horns or banshee yell at me, are severe, and cause me to get physically ill to my stomach. 
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Having the speed trailer here was a real comfort to me, as i felt it protected me from all the harsh noises and even the mean bullies. I know you only have a few of those, but i have even offered to pay your department a monthly fee to rent it on a regular basis. 
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I do have a possible way to move in the Spring of 2018. But while i am still here, it’d mean the world to me if my police department would care again, and work with me, please.
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I am enclosing pictures of the speed trailer that i enjoyed watching.
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I fervently hope this letter reaches you, and not R. M., or anyone else who may not get my plight. Please help me. You are my last hope.
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Sincerely,
Melissa Fields, *** Street
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P. S.~~I am also enclosing a link to my Go Fund Me page. Maybe the police department can all get together and purchase a speed trailer for me, like the RU2 Systems Kustom Signals one that was here?
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Would You Not Be Depressed Too If You Were Stuck In A Small Four-Walled Box?

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I just wrote this. This explains why i am so deeply depressed and having so many meltdowns lately. It is hard—-way beyond hard—when my own home is right in front of a war zone full of bullies and i can never get out to go places to escape this hell. All i have to look at is a concrete and asphalt street and rows of ugly yellow tin buildings all day long.

I sleep all of the time now because i only feel safe when my caregiver is here. When she isn’t here, and the bullies are, they really crucify me….and they did so yesterday, so badly i almost fainted from screaming so strongly.

But PLEASE don’t blame my caregiver. She does all she can do for me, and does her best by me. She has a real heart for me, and cares deeply about me. She would do more if IHSS allowed it and if they paid IHSS caregivers mileage, and helped pay for their car insurance, and maintenance.

I also felt safe when the speed radar trailer was here. I so wish the police would bring that back for me. It calmed the street down, and even made the bullies stop picking on me while it was here, because the bullies saw me being able to interact with others, and i guess that made them feel like i was more of a human being than they thought i was.

I have a great and deep empathy for people, especially all of those who are my friends, you all do not realize how deeply i care about all of you—– but please forgive me——it is not always easy for me to show it because the mental pain and state of fear that i am all the time in is sometimes too great.

I know this comes across as me not caring abut the feelings of others, and what they are going through, but i can assure you all, that is so not the case.

I so wish i had my family around me, and that they would understand, accept me, and care about me. I would not feel so alone, so isolated, and and cut off!!

 

Yes, this is my life.

I am stuck living in a 4 walled box
I get to go to the bank once every month,
and sometimes to the doctor
Sometimes to the psych tech nurse who prescribes my Ativan
But that is it
It is not my caregiver’s fault
She would take me on outings
if IHSS allowed her to do so
But they don’t
When my caregiver is not here
I am all alone
and very lonely
I have no one to call
no one to talk to
when my caregiver isn’t here
because i have no nice neighbors around me
and no in real life local friends
no one at all
as most of my family live out of state now
they all moved when i was still doing well
when i still could drive
when i still had my health
when i could still get out and walk
when i could still go to church
but a bunch of traumatizing stuff happened in early 2012
that set me back mentally & emotionally
i had to stop driving due to that
i actually lost the ability to drive
at the same time, my leg tumor was growing too big too
which also made it hard for me to drive
And now today, i sit in my house
and life now is passing me by
most of my family ignore and shun me like i’m a plague
because they don’t get me, and get or understand my Autism
i do talk to my mom and she does what she can to help me
i also have one nice sister who cares about me
but again, both live out of state now
i talk to my mom sometimes several times a day
and write to my sister when i have the spoons
but otherwise i am all alone
i wish people would understand when i can’t smile
and when i have those days when i have more meltdowns  than usual
how hard this is on me to only get to see things through my TV and computer and front door now
yes i still have the bullies here who still
make my life even more of a living hell
yes, they still are at it
and now the police seem to be ignoring me
all of this is getting to me
i badly need a way out of here
as my physical health is failing
and i am about to break emotionally and mentally
my depression and despair is so deep
that i often have no strength to even get out of my lift chair
where i now sleep
i am sleeping all of the time now too
because it is my only true escape
except for when my caregiver comes
i have sadly grown to depend on her with my life
as she has become my only lifeline
i panic when she has to leave early, or when she gets sick
because i am scared to be awake now in the daytimes
when i am here all alone
because the bullies crucify me when she isn’t here
yes, that is when they do all the mean things
to antagonize me
i keep going on because i have no choice but to
but please forgive me when i cannot smile
when it gets too much for me that i end up melting down
i am in a pain so real and it is hard to put on normal when i want to run and scream and hide from it all
I hope i can get my miracle soon
so i can move and get better healthcare, and better adult services
I love my caregiver, she does her best by me
so please don’t blame her
but i do need a way out so i can have my joy and happiness and peace back.
Please.

My Go Fund Me is:  https://www.gofundme.com/2ckkdc4

Putting This Into A Blog, Because I Need Help!!

The following are my latest correspondences with the local police concerning my living environment and how my quality of life has suffered having to live trapped here in an unhealthy neighborhood full of noises that are like drill bits, and whips….noises that vibrate inside of my head, making me scream hysterically to make it stop…..please, make this stop….

I wrote these emails over the course of the past few days this week…..and putting them in this blog so that people can better understand and get what we as Autistics, go through when the system fails to give us the help we need…..and the help is inconsistent…..

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Dear K and J,

I feel as if i am being ignored again…..the car club is here right now, and they keep turning on their loud thunder bass. It is bad, it is vibrating my whole house. 
 
I have a new speed radar trailer, but it is dead….it is not working at all. It is the RU2Systems one. My whole street is unbearably loud, with both the car club’s bass and loud hot rods. Please get this stopped. 
 
Please get me a beat coordinator who will work with me like J did…..please get me the Wanco speed trailer back. I need the car club to stop the loud bass party and i need my happy back. I am literally not doing well right now because of the out of control raceway and the car club. 
 
The Wanco speed trailers aren’t even up on Alvin and East Fesler now so i can go see them there anymore.
 
Sorry, i am just having a bad time of it right now. I am having meltdowns right now because the car club keeps turning on their bass, and the speed trailer is not working.
 
I badly need a miracle….to win the Powerball lottery so i can finally make a move out of here. I so wish i could move from this hell hole today. I so hate it here. It has ruined my health, and is killing me, because when i meltdown, my heart palpitates, and i can’t even eat, as i get sick to my stomach. My throat actually sometimes bleeds from all of the screaming i do when i am melting down.
 
Also, my mom tried to talk to a watch commander just now….time 5:50 PM,…and he was very rude to her. But she called L and L is getting someone over here.
 
Please forgive me for this rant. I am not crazy; i promise. I am just an Autistic and physically disabled adult who is housebound and has no way to get away from here like i used to, so hot roddig and bass gets to me triple bad.
 
And, as an Autistic, i get fixated and attracted to certain roads, highways, and electronic things. The Wanco speed trailers being included in that. Please understand. I fervently hope i will get one of the Wanco ones back soon. Please.
 
Thank you both, and God bless both of you,
Melissa
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Dear J and K,

 
This is the transcript of the blog i wrote this morning.
 
Am I Okay?
 

Is it silly for me to be so fascinated by a speed radar trailer that i have to take drives to see it at least three times a week, that i have to post picture after picture of it, and that i get so excited to sit in front of it and see how it displays each person’s speed in real time, and how it flashes when people go over the speed limit?

Or am i okay?

I have even made an imaginary friend out of this speed trailer and have been a state of real deep mourning ever since they came and took it off of my street on April 26th. It had been here on my street for a month, and it helped!!

I have actually been bombarding both the police commander and my beat officer with numerous emails begging them to put it back on my street, ever since they came and took it away.

Not only did it calm the traffic….and my meltdowns down, its presence was a real comfort to me.

It is my honest opinion that police departments need to be understanding towards Autistic people. My hugest dream is to see this world be a much more inclusive, friendly and accomodating place for us. That is my mission in life.

It is hard, if not impossible, for an Autistic person to adjust and adapt to an NT world that thinks in black and white and everyone being able to fit into neat little circles when some of us are square and triangular and diamond-shaped .

Because life has grey areas, i am sorry, but it does. And many of us who are neurodivergent are diamond, square, rectangular, triangular, hexagonal, and so on, shaped.

There is nothing wrong with that, or us.

I was created by God and put on this earth by Him/Her/Them as an Autistic for a reason, plus given the gift of writing, so i could educate and open people’s eyes, minds and hearts….that we who are Autistic, are not faulty broken appliances, or behavior problems to be solved, cured, and fixed….we are Disabled and unique human beings with a neurology that has to be considered, accepted, and embraced.

Because God makes no mistakes.

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Hi K and J,

 
I want to clarify and explain few things about me, please. 
 
Firstly, i apologize for the way the above email was phrased…..i was in a full-on sensory overload/ meltdown mode when i wrote that, because the car club was right next door to me at the time, “seranading” me with their loud thunder bass. 
 
Secondly, i want to thank you both for getting me another speed trailer. I do appreciate that you got it here for me, and got the big one that didn’t work, removed. I was mainly so upset to see that this one is still currently not working either. Even so, i am still grateful it is here. Last night, my mother called Dispatch to report that it is not working, so i am confident that someone will come to activate it today. She also called about the bass at the car club. L has been very nice to her. 
 
If i am unable to get the Wanco, and have to have this speed trailer for awhile till i can get the Wanco one back, i am honestly okay with that, as long as i can go “visit” the Wancos where they’re at now; 
as long as someone comes and activates the trailer i have now so it will work to slow drivers down, 
and as long as i know i will get the Wanco one back again soon. 
 
I do not mean to come off as rude, demanding, or pesty, please know that. My circumstances are awfully unbearable, as i am now housebound due to my legs. I am unable to drive right now, or get out and even walk like i would love to be able to do because of my legs. I rely on what my caregiver is able to do for me, and i am greatly limited now, an Autistic adult, with deteriorating physical health, scared, lonely, alone, so yes, that is why i latch onto things like the Wanco trailer—–and why i made it my friend. 
 
Please imagine what it would be like being neurologically wired Autistic and being housebound, losing all of the freedoms and independence you once had, and being forced to listen, day in and day out, to the types of loud noises that are actual painful sensory issues to you….would you not probably try to retreat into a safe place in your head to cope, too? That is exactly what i did with the Wanco trailer. It became an instrument of comfort to me, my friend who i could “talk” to.

It does not mean i am crazy —-i have used this coping mechanism to get through a very hard life of 56 years of being misunderstood, rejected, thrown away, and abused a great deal by family, schoolkids, teachers, a series of very bad caregivers, abusive friendships that traumatized me, and even some of the police i have dealt with who have scared the living daylights out of me. The LV experiences still haunt me to this day, as does the awful encounter i had with NC, and awful phone calls with DP.
 
Because…most people don’t “get” Autistic people, even in 21st Century Now.
 
So, this is where i am at in life. I am playing the Powerball, because i need that miracle to happen, or i will unfortunately continue to have to stay here trapped having to live in a place that has become a hell hole. I am unable to sleep, and when i do, i have frequent nightmares. I didn’t have as many when J was working with me, and i had the Wanco trailer here.
 
I hope me explaining all of this helps you both to understand me better and why i became attached to the Wanco speed trailer.
 
Thank you for reading this, and for understanding. God bless both of you, K and J!!! 🙂
 
Sincerely,
Melissa
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Hi K and J,

I just woke up for my day, and looked and saw that this speed radar trailer is still not working at all. It still will not light up for anyone going by. What is going on with this? Please answer me. I am scared i’m going to have another repeat of yesterday!! 😥 Melissa
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Dear K and J,

My street right now is over the top unbearable……..with nothing but cars going at double the speed limit and the sound is an awful screaming sound i can’t stand to hear anymore. The speed radar trailer that is on my street right now is not working, not lighting up at all……please…..are you even reading my pleas for help anymore?????????????? I can’t bear this anymore, PLEASE, in the name of all that is holy and heavenly, PLEASE have mercy on me and get me a speed trailer that works properly, that lights up, that tells these reckless drivers to “SLOW DOWN”!!!!Please…..i am going crazy, i am in tears, and screaming right now…..please God in Heaven, make K and J hear my cries and get this (out of control) street calmed down……

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i badly need day and night extra patrol, and a properly working speed monitor here, please!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😥 😥 😥 😥 😥
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J and K,

The car club came back again tonight complete with the loud thunder bass yet again……dark beige Chevy or GMC suburban with tinted windows just went in and out, with their bass wide open UP……vibrating my entire house…….please……i need a new beat coordinator who will work with me……i need the Wanco speed trailer again……please, i beg of you both!!!!!! I am in sheer agony again!!!!!! I want to run away!!!!! I SO want to just run AWAY!!!!!!!

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Having meltdowns now, so i can’t type well…..i meant to say another beat coordinator who will work with me and be as kind, compassionate and understanding of my plight as J has been with me. Scared i am going to hear even more bass. This is utter hell that i cannot escape….. 😥

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Dear K and J,

 
I am writing this in the spirit of me just trying to get back to how safe and calm i was beginning to feel in my own home when:
 
*J was my beat coordinator, 
 
*when J was coming to visit me once every week to talk to me and listen to me, really listen to me, 
 
*when J was getting me regular afternoon and nightly extra patrols, 
 
*when J was actually having people from both (the auto shop) and the car club getting pulled over and cited for their loud mufflers and atrociously loud bass,
 
*i knew J really understood and got me, and i felt safe and accepted around him,
 
*when i had the Wanco speed radar trailer here.
Ever since J got promoted, i have once again lost all of that, and as a Disabled Autistic adult who has no choice but to live in this unhealthy environment because i do not have the money to be able to afford to move to a place that is sensory friendly and quiet,
—-and who is housebound on top of that—- 
finding myself back to square one, makes me feel a distress and depression so deep, i am getting physically ill, every day now. 
I am having loud screaming meltdowns every day again. Meltdowns that are leaving me totally drained and sick. I am back to not being able to sleep, and when i do sleep, i am having terrible nightmares.
 
The car club is once again coming back right after my caregiver leaves each night, and they are once again back to using the driveway that is right close to my house to ingress and egress their rental unit that they rent. They are gunning their motors, and turning up the bass again so loudly, right by my house, and then they leave as slowly as they can so that it prolonges the agony i experience of having to hear that awful bass. It turns me into a screaming hysterical mess because those noises vibrate inside my head and ears. And they vibrate my entire house.
 
My street, especially in the mornings between 7 and 10 AM, at the noon hour from about 11 AM to 2 PM, and evenings between 3 and 8 PM, is once again a hot mess of nothing but loud fast screaming traffic, many hot rodding through here, doing burnouts, and the loud bass is atrociously unbearable. When the car club is here, they will stay anywhere from 6 PM until 10 PM or later, so yes, there is that to also consider.
 
I am requesting the following, please, only because of what is left of my overall health….and not because i am intending to demand or be mean, please know that!
1) K, please call me or come see me so we can talk. I am awake after 2:00 PM, so after 2:00 PM is the best time to reach me as i am a day sleeper. I need to know that you have not turned against me, and are still my friend. My contact info is at the end of this letter.
 
2) Please either get the speed trailer that i have now, activated as soon as possible, or have them bring me back one of the Wanco ones and place it where i can see it and monitor the speeds of people going past it——to be honest, i would much prefer it if i could have the Wanco one back, as that was the one i liked. It brought me great comfort to have the Wanco one here because of the way the Wanco trailers look and the way they work. I really wish i could have the Wanco one back as soon as it comes available again, please. it would mean the world to me to have that one back, and turned on, of course….LOL!!
 
3) Please put me back on regular extra patrol in the mornings, lunchtime and afternoons/evenings.
 
4) Please, please…get me a beat coordinator who will be as kind and compassionate as J has been to me. J really did a great deal to help me, and i miss having him as my beat coordinator!!!
 
5) Please let me know where the Wanco ones are now, so i can go see them in action, until i can have one of them back on my street again.
 
I, in turn, am going to begin to search for a place to move to, using my Section 8 voucher. Wish me luck on that one, because finding a one bedroom house, on Section 8 is next to impossible, and if i can find a suitable place via my Sec. 8, i will consider that one huge miracle straight from Heaven!!
 
Thank you both and God bless both of you,
 
Melissa

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I have abbreviated all individuals’ names in these emails for privacy and legal reasons.
In closing…..My plight is very real, and it presents for me, a waking daily nightmare that i can only escape when my caregiver comes. She has taken me to see the Wanco speed trailers, when i sometimes ride with her to go run my errands, out of the goodness of her heart, because she understands and gets this and me, and so did J, my beat coordinator, and K the other police official who i address in the above emails.
My main frustration is that no one calls or answers my cries for help and actually talks to me anymore at the police dept. J has answered a few of my emails, and they did get a huge variable message sign here last week, which didn’t work properly, and now another speed radar trailer that is not the Wanco….that they have failed to even turn on….or it also is non-working. I now essentially am left with a dead, non-working speed trailer…..and still no answers, still no one who will actually talk to me and tell me what is going on and when i will get a new beat coordinator. Just that they are doing the testing for the new beat coordinator in one or two weeks.
And still, my street has returned to a state of loud freeway style screaming traffic and atrociously loud vibrating thunder bass. All right outside of my front door.
And i am really scared that the new beat coordinator will not be nice like J was. Trust me. I had four other beat coordinators who were not nice, and who made me out to be the villain, instead of seeing my plight as a real thing.

And i am also frustrated that it seems as though every time i do get a nice someone who listens to me, who treats me like the human being i am, who really “GETS” me and what i have to endure…..they either get transferred or promoted and then i am back to Square One again.

So….this is where i stand as of now. And i feel a deep depression and despair so deep and dark that it threatens to consume me.

I need help. Please. I need some miracles. Because, ironically, i still have a small mustard seed of faith left in me. (Pictured below is the Wanco speed trailer.)

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