Tag Archives: Autism & Being Dismissed

The Police Have Taken This Speed Trailer Now

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Above is a picture of the RU2 Systems radar speed trailer that has been parked on my street since May 25th, and turned on working to keep me and my street calm, since June 2nd.

Now it too is gone. I woke up today at noon to find it missing from its spot where they had it parked east of my house. I am heartbroken, as if i just lost my best friend again. I cannot eat or drink anything, and my street is starting to be wild again. I wish i could just hop a bus and leave here forever now. I am crushed.

I so wish the police would understand. What it is like to be an Autistic physically Disabled adult who is trapped in her house, who has very little family support, and no local friends….how this speed trailer became a real source of comfort to me, and how it got me out of my house to sit and watch it every afternoon and evening. I even became friendly with some of the people who work in one of the businesses east of me.

Now that it too is gone, i badly need a way to be able to purchase my own speed radar trailer like the one pictured above, so i made a Go Fund Me page, which is linked below. Because…i cannot go back to the several meltdowns a day that i was having that was leaving me physically sick and weak at the end of each of those awful hard days.

As stated above, i am an Autistic adult who unfortunately has to live where i live until i can get the means to move, i am also housebound because i cannot walk that far, and i don’t drive due to my legs…but without the speed trailer here, this street is like a supersonic loud highway with frequent hot rodding, racing, and loud fast noise, that literally drives me into sensory overload every day. Even though the posted speed limit is 25 MPH. As i write this,people are once again flying through here at double that speed, and i am already screaming and hitting myself to stop the pain this noise causes me.

Like the speed trailer i had before, this one also brought me great comfort, and i made the same friend that i had in the other speed trailer, out of this one too. I actually happen to love this one alot more than i did the other one i had, because of the way it actually shows in real time how fast and slow people go..i love the nice red SLOW DOWN sign it has on it…..and, like the first one they put here, this one has also made me feel safe and secure for the first time in my own home.

Please help me. I can’t be without this speed trailer again. Thank you.

My Go Fund Me is: https://www.gofundme.com/2ckkdc4

Still Scared, Very Scared

I honestly do not know how much more of this i can take.

I am okay as long as the speed radar trailer is here on my street. But my police dept. has failed in letting me know who my new beat coordinator is. I finally Googled it, and found out that way who he is. My last beat coordinator was supposed to let me know AND he was supposed to introduce him to me. He never did either.

They don’t let me know whether i can have a working speed trailer here on a regular basis for the sake of my health, because without it, the street is so wild i have meltdowns which leave me physically ill—i need to know.

The speed trailer is still here, and i am very grateful it is here….but all i get from the police is silence and he not knowing when or if it will get taken away from me again. The stress of not knowing is getting to me.

I am not posting this to badmouth anyone, but yes, i am upset that police depts. do not do a much better job than this so that REAL bridges are built between them and us….ALL of us, and that includes Disabled people, shut-ins, Black and Brown people, rich, poor, homeless, elderly, etc.

REAL community policing means actual OPEN LINES OF COMMUNICATION between police and us, not this never ending silence, and no answers to my phone calls and emails——and me left hanging as to what’s going to happen next.

I DREAD the day they take this speed trailer away from my street. I SO dread that day. I would hope they would place another working one here, and also place that one on my side of the street where i can see it working.

I also need to get out of this house more often than i do. I used to love going out to eat, going to the movies, going to church, and going to the ocean. I do not get to do any of that anymore, except eat out maybe once a month if i’m lucky, and this gets to me greatly too….because i get so lonely to be able to be around people and involved in my community.

Below is another picture of the RU2 Fast 870 speed radar trailer that is still on my street, but for how much longer, i don’t know.

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Scared, Part 3

I am a deeply lonely Autistic and physically disabled adult who has no family support at all from her three brothers, one sister, and their families either, and no real in real life local friends either. I do have love and support from my mother who lives in Idaho, and my eldest sister who lives in Arizona…..but they too are no longer living here…..so yes, i get VERY lonely, so lonely i want to roll up into a ball, but cannot due to physical disabilities……

I have deep trust and abandonment issues that no one can realize how deep they go….so all of my life i have latched onto certain roads, highways and electronics, usually stereos, and any electronics that are eye catching and i like how they work……and i have made some of the most awesome imaginary friends ever out of these!!! I could write a book just about those awesome friends i have made!!!

Having the speed monitor here on my street where i can see it working for one whole month has been a real therapy to me, and now this morning i am deeply depressed and crushed because the once sturdy folding chair i used to go sit outside, broke underneath me last night…..now all i have left is an old but still sturdy wooden chair…..and a regular sized bath chair that i don’t use…..(i use a full-sized bath transfer bench for my showers now)…..to tide me over till i get the new chairs that i did order from Amazon, because thank God for credit cards…..but those chairs won’t be here till Tuesday, and i am scared the police are going to take this speed monitor away from me this next Tuesday……

and do not want to waste any time not being able to spend as much time as i am able to spend with this speed monitor, before it **is** taken from me.I cannot mentally or emotionally afford to **not** sit outside to watch and pretend “talk” and “converse” with my friend who i have made out of this speed monitor…..i have to either use the wooden chair, or the bath chair…or hopefully if Connie can find something, use that, to tide me over till my chairs from Amazon come.

I do get paid today, so i may have Connie get me a chair from somewhere.

I also hope for a way to be able to buy my own speed radar trailer, that is just like the one that is outside.

I just wish and hope i could have in real life friends who would not give up on me, who would get me, and who would take me places and do things with me. I hope and wish i can get a way to move from this awful neighborhood once and for all.

This post is public and shareable. Pictured below is an RU2 Systems Fast 870 speed radar trailer.

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Scared, Part 2

Is still so very, very worried and fearful that the police are going to take the speed trailer away from me this week.
I really hope they’ve realized that i have not had to call or email them ever since they came to turn the speed trailer on on June 2nd for me. I hope they get to read the letter the psychiatric nurse i saw this past Thursday, is writing to them. I hope one of my friends can help me start a Change.org petition to send to the police about this.
I don’t want to have to live on this street anymore, without a working speed trailer here on my side of the street where i can easily see it and monitor it from my house. Because without the speed trailer, my street is wild and i feel unsafe here. Greatly unsafe. The speed trailer makes me feel a sense of security i have never felt ever since i moved here 25 years ago.
Having the speed trailer has meant me being able to actually get outside alot to watch it and take pictures of it, which has resulted in me getting to say hi everyday to some of the business neighbors to my east who i thought didn’t like me…..and finding out that they are friendly…..that they do like me and that they do understand my need to watch the speed trailer working.
One of my favorite servers at a local restaurant who i am friends with here on Facebook, has even seen all of my posts about the speed trailer, and she even agrees it has helped me, and saw how much of a wreck i was when they took the other one away from me on April 25th and left me with no speed trailer at all for one whole month, then put this one here, and did not turn it on till a week after it had been here.
I am praying so hard. My mom is even saying a continuous novena for me that the police will keep a working speed trailer here from now on, till i am able to move from here.
I AM going to try to find some way i can move from here. Hopefully i can be out of here by the first part of 2017, or earlier, if a miracle happens that will open those doors for me.
Below, is another picture of the speed trailer. It really has become a good imaginary friend to me that i feel i greatly need at this time of my life. I hope the police will please understand this and let me keep this one, which is an RU2 Systems Fast 870 speed trailer, or the Wanco speed trailer, either one is fine with me.
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Scared

I have been really blessed to have a nice working speed radar trailer here, which has been here for over three weeks now. But now that it will be week four, will the police take it from me this week and leave me here with nothing once again? This really is worrying me. It is worrying me greatly.
I so dread going back to the wild street and me having those awful meltdowns that i was having again. And being without my friend again. I don’t know if i will be able to handle this this time.
037I pray it doesn’t happen. I pray they let me have either this or the Wanco one, and that they keep switching between the two, for the sake of my health and sense of safety. Till i am able to move from here.

Update On My Situation

I just realized it’s been a month since i last blogged. I have been enjoying being able to have a new speed radar trailer on my street for the past month. After making two frantic tearful phone calls to two police sergeants, they finally came and turned the speed trailer they had placed on my street on May 25th, on—on June 2nd is when they turned it on—–8 days after they had placed it here.

To be honest, i actually love this new speed trailer a lot more than i did the Wanco one i had had before. This new speed trailer is an RU2 Systems Fast 870, and it actually looks and works even better than the Wanco did. The same imaginary friend that i had made up for the Wanco one, is my friend in this speed trailer also. I feel safer here again.

I realize this is just s temporary fix for my overall situation though. I still badly need to move, and i very much want to move to either the
San Francisco Bay area,
the Pacific Northwest,
New York City,
New York State,
Long Island NY,
or the New England areas.
Because many of my Facebook Autistic Community friends live in these areas, and i know in my heart of hearts that i would have a much better chance of meeting even more cool people,
of being actually able to get out of my house to go places and do things,
and i would have a better chance at getting help for my legs,
and many other vital services i have not been able to get living on the Central CA Coast.

Most importantly, i know i would not suffer from the deep aloneness and loneliness that i suffer from here whenever my caregiver/friend Connie isn’t here to help me. Most of my family literally shun and ignore me like i just don’t exist to them. Here, i am disconnected from people, and my community. Even though i was born and raised here.

I need a way out. or i am going to perish. A human being was not made to be alone and isolated from life…..and i am, all of that…..and being so hurts me so very deeply like no one can know or realize.

I live in daily fear that this new speed trailer will also be taken away, and then my street will be back to wild loud fast screaming noise again, and me having constant meltdowns from the time i wake up to the time night falls…..and me losing my imaginary friend yet again.

It should not have to be this way. For any of us.

I am calling for police departments to start listening to us Autistics, to learn about us, to understand us, and our plights and needs, and to accomodate us where we are at in life.

I am calling for all people to listen to us, learn about us, and understand us.

We are human beings. Please stop ignoring us and turning us way. Please stop ignoring me and turning me away.

(Below is an up close picture i took of the new speed trailer. My coping mechanism for a life that has truthfully, become unbearable. This speed trailer makes me feel safer again while having to live in this awful neighborhood.)

Image description: Below picture is of a street at sunset, looking East, with tall metal building, trucks, cars, trees, a light pole, and the speed radar trailer is at the center of this picture. The speed trailer frame is white, with a “Your Speed sign on top of a white framed electronic black message board, with the number 23 on it, as i took this picture as a driver was passing by. Below the electronic sign, is a white metal speed sign that says “Speed Limit 25 MPH. Below that is a large white metal box mounted on a small painted white trailer frame, on two tires. These trailers are designed to be towed anywhere where they are needed to calm traffic in problem areas. My street is a problem area.078

Today Was One Of The Worst Days For Me

The following is taken from an eariler post that i posted on my wall today, plus some things a new friend and ally who i am growing to really love, as she really gets what i am going through, wrote to me today, articulating and validating my feelings my feelings.

I have been a wreck since the police came and took the Wanco speed trailer off of my street, as many of you know. The police are now totally ignoring my emails and phone calls that i make to them pleading for their mercy and continued help, and to have the Wanco radar trailer placed back on my street.

I am now in the process of creating a GoFundMe with both short term and long term goals—-and am creating it with the hopes that the end result will be my getting moved to a quiet location where i can finally have my peace and my sense of safety and sanctuary back.

My post……with explanations added for clarity…..

Weds., June 1, 2016 at 8:18 PM

“I have been having the evening from hell so far. It is just now calming down.

The street has been loud and fast freeway style driving in a 25 MPH zone all day today and this evening. I have had multiple meltdowns over just that alone.

(And even more meltdowns over my next door neighbor’s inconsiderate daughter’s actions, and the car club.)

The car club is here now too. They announced their presence with their loud God-awful vibrating thunder bass….that brought about more meltdowns.

Then my neighbor’s daughter decided to start her truck up and sit in it, letting it idle so long that my house was filled with the exhaust fumes, and making me cough. More meltdowns.

(The loud bass, followed by the neighbor’s daughter’s toxic truck fumes, made me really scream in agony!!)

The speed radar trailer they put here 7 days ago, has never been turned on, and still has not been turned on as of now. I have gone downhill mentally and physically ever since the police’s traffic sergeant ordered the Wanco yanked from my street on April 26th. I feel it not only calmed the traffic down, but it became a friend to me in that i actually for the first time, felt safe enough to start venturing out of my house to sit in a chair on my front lawn to watch it flash and blink. it gave me a sense of comfort that no NT can understand.

Now the cops are totally ignoring me. And i am continuing to suffer each day. I have gone back to dreading having to wake up from sleeping……this can’t go on. I can’t go on like this. I want out of this whole town because i do not feel like i am welcome here.

I am in sheer agony still tonight. I badly need a way OUT!!!!!!!!”

My friend’s messages to me:

“Hey Melissa! First– I want to say, we *need* to get you out of there. I’m willing to help you get a GoFundMe going and have you okay whatever is said in the description before it goes up. I think we need to think in terms of your short-term survival, and long-term. In the short term, we should raise funds to get speed bumps put in place. If anyone speeds through your neighborhood at that point, they do so at their own peril. They will be in for a nasty shock, and if they know what’s good for them, they’ll quit speeding ASAP.

Then– we need to get you a housing/moving/basic care fund going. You and I can discuss where, if anywhere, you’d feel more comfortable moving away to.”

To which i replied that i felt the Wanco speed trailer would be much better than speed bumps, because it has a giant electronic sign with big bright bold amber colored fonts, and that i needed the Wanco back on my street, both for my peace of mind and to calm down the traffic, because it worked really well when it was here!!

She wrote back:

“I think you and I both know this current speeding/neighbor/living situation is destroying your physical and mental well being.

And you’ve endured all of that for far too long.

It is not humane for you to have to live in these conditions.”

She also wrote:

“We could try to raise money to have two permanent Wanco speed trailers on your street. (One on each side) I don’t think that’s too much to ask. All the cops have to do is set (them) up, acknowledge it’s your private property, and leave them be”

She went onto say this, and this is the God’s honest truth:

“I just want to say– the empath in me hurts for you intensely. I see you posting so much about how much you’re suffering, every day, multiple times a day, because of the horrible speeding issues on your street……I relate a great deal to how you’re trying to cope with a (screwed) up world. You do (what other Autistics with PTSD and who have been bullied so much) often do– fixate on something. In your case, it’s the Wanco speed radar. Your logic makes a lot of sense on that, actually. You had that speed trailer there, and finally felt you had some control in your life over a daily, painful issue– speeders with their loud, obnoxious hot rods.

And (when you had the Wanco speed trailer there) you felt safe enough after years of isolation to go out your front door– and breathe actual fresh air. And I’d call anything/anyone who gave me that much peace of mind a friend, too.

You also have your a****** neighbors who f****** traumatized you to the point you were terrified to leave your house alone. That’s completely f****** unfair to you– and horrendously abusive of them.

So, there’s all these elements at play, all different flavors of anxiety and depression. And your physical and mental well being are the price for your a-hole neighbors and inconsiderate drivers.

If I were in your shoes? I’d want to flee. Get out. But you don’t have the financial privilege to flee. So that’s where the GoFundMe comes in. We’re bailing you out. You’ve endured that bullshit way too long.”

She also said:

“And I also think you and I know exactly what the police department is thinking with all of this. They’re thinking with their NT brains, and also thinking about all the other police work they have to do. They’re like “maybe she’ll stop calling if we just leave this speed trailer here.” They got exactly half of that equation right– maybe less. They gave you a speed trailer– but didn’t turn it on.

That’s why (having the Wanco there, and turned ON, working properly) made you feel calm. Because people drive by, see how fast they’re driving, and slow down.”

(My words…how can they obey a speed radar trailer that is just a blank black screen, that is not turned on?)

Back to my friend’s words:

“And of course, one part of the equation they’ve majorly (screwed) up is in being empathetic to your issues.

Because, they’re ignoring you.

And that’s not easing your mind.”

No, it is not easing my mind. It is making me feel all alone and isolated again, and like i am being forced to endure more suffering because the police somehow feel i “choose” to live in this cess pool.
Little do they know that being i have been on Section 8 and Social security all of my adult life unable to work to become self-supporting, to be able to realize ever, my lifelong dreams and goals, that i have been stuck having to live here due to no way out….and when is this hell and torment ever going to end for me? 

I can only hope that someone with legal expertise can see my plight…..and that the police are denying me their services, because they seem to think i am just a nuisance…..and help me to get the help i need, then i can get the money to finally be able to move out of here.

My April 2016 Appeal

For those of you who don’t know me, i am an Autistic and physically Disabled housebound 55 year old adult who is literally dying of loneliness and severe cabin fever. I will be 56 in May, and i still have at least ten more years ahead of me.

I have friends online, on Facebook, but no in real life local friends. My family all moved out of state far away—to Idaho, and one sister in Arizona— when i was still doing well, so i now have nobody, except for my caregiver. When she comes, she comes six days a week, in the afternoons and early evenings. When she is here, i am fine, but when she is not, i go through agony, and find myself sleeping to pass the time, because i can’t just get out and go places like i want anymore—like i used to be able to do. I can’t even take walks anymore. Because i now have very limited mobility—and because of the bullies in my neighborhood who may taunt me if they see me outside of my house.

I never got married, never had children, so when my caregiver isn’t here, all i can do, aside from sleeping to kill he time, is go onto Facebook to talk to my online friends, and post about Autistic and Disability issues and politics mainly— and pick up the phone and call my mom and talk to her. I do have a few shows i like to watch on TV, plus i also watch YouTube. But i so long to have local in real life friends who would come visit me and take me to the nearby ocean, which i still love. Or to the movies. Or out to eat.

Why don’t i just move to where my mom lives? I don’t have the money to do so, and neither does anyone in my family. In fact, the rest of my siblings, their spouses, and my nieces and nephews all ignore and shun me. They have absolutely nothing to do with me.

In 1987, i was finally able to move away from my parents to a small cottage in the back of another house, where i had wonderful elderly neighbors who helped bring me out of the shell i was in. In 1990, i learned how to drive, secured my driver’s license, and an older car. I became determined to try to get myself off of government aid, so i spent the next decade—all of the ’90’s—-appealing to agency after agency—and soon gave that up, because i had no luck. Because i was always deemed ineligible for services.

In May of 1991, i had to move from that nice place, to one of my sister’s rentals, and that was when things began a downhill slide that has only gotten worse. The reason i am still alive today, is due to my so far, strong faith, my will to go on, and being able to develop creative unique ways to cope as a small child…..i still use those unique coping mechanisms today.

Now, two and a half decades, after enduring lots of neighborhood bullying—-more on that later—-several friendships ending with those friends turning against me, plus, several traumatic caregiver experiences, i have once again stopped driving and gone back into a shell. I am once again afraid to go anywhere by myself—petrified, in fact, and must have my caregiver accompany me everywhere i go outside of this house now. I now have severe noise sensitivity issues, and severe abandonment and trust and PTSD issues. I have several meltdowns a day now due to various things.

I am still a human being, with feelings, and a heart, and i am suffering—not because i’m Autistic, but because most people still don’t get—or seem to want to get Autism. Also because of the noisy neighborhood i have been trapped having to live in for the past 24 years, and because of my steadily worsening physical health. My mobility is now quite limited due to a circulatory condition (Lymphedema) that developed on my legs. I can still walk short distances, but only with the aid of a cane and walker. I badly need a mobility scooter. I also badly need to have my bathroom retrofitted with a large walk-in shower that i can get in and out of easily, because the current standard tub shower is next to impossible for me to get in and out of, most days.

Unfortunately, the reason why the neighborhood i have been living in for the past two plus decades has been bad for me, is that—-on top of the noise, has been that most of my neighbors early on, all assumed i was a “crazy lady”. Why?

My problems began with two mean girls next door to me, just 11 months after i moved here,who both turned against me and began to taunt and torment me–and then, because i live in a mixed residential/light industrial zone, several other neighbors in a restaurant supply business, a food bank, and two auto shops, all began to notice me and bully me too——because the mean girls’ behavior resulted in me having loud meltdowns where i would scream in sheer terror at their loud deliberate taunting and loud music being blared right into my house.

After that, it was like i was reliving my entire painful childhood all over again, where i was afraid of all kinds of loud noises—and i once again became afraid of certain loud noises.

Today, even though a police officer has now been able to help to calm many of my problems down, my PTSD prevents me from overcoming the noise sensitivity, plus i am now so battle-fatigued by all of the bullying and tauntings i have endured from the mean girls, then the other business employees, that i now feel like i am half-dead all the time. I am tired all the time. I sleep in two shifts, for three hours after my caregiver leaves in the evenings—-and then for another five hours in the mornings till about 1:30 PM. Ironically i use the loud volume of my own TV and my own music—-to cover the outside neighborhood noises—-because i am able to handle noises that i see as “friendly” noises—-if that makes sense. And i consider my TV and music to be “friendly” noise.

Therapy has never helped because most mental health professionals want to dope me up, and then play what i find to be twisted weird and very ableistic head games with me—-they want to fix and cure me like NOW.

PTSD is a thing that cannot easily be cured. it can be treated, but not cured. And Autism—-definitely cannot be cured. And people should stop trying to cure the Autism out of us.

The reason i’m writing this is that i need help with several things, for the sake of what is left of my health and sanity.

One, i need to move from this neighborhood to a small house that is in a nice quiet neighborhood where i will have nice neighbors, and they won’t be right upstairs, downstairs, or right next to me. And no, i don’t want to move to Idaho or Arizona, because it is too hot in both places, and i am very sensitive to weather that is too hot. Plus—living with my mom is also out—-i am a very hard person to live with, because i have my weird sleep schedule and i have a lot of quirks and routines.

Two, i need a mobility scooter that my caregiver can easily handle, and a place with ramps, and disabled accessible bathroom.

Three, i really long to have local friends who get and accept Autistic adults the way we are, who will be like a second family to me—-who will take me places and come visit me, and maybe i could even go to church with them, so long as it’s a liberal church—-because i am a progressive liberal, and i am pro-LGBTQIA.

And four, i need a good doctor who won’t body shame me, but who will help me to get the leg surgery i also badly need to remove a large leg tumor that is the size of a basketball that is on my left leg.

I really feel if i had these things, my happy will come back. I so wish i had some real help in these areas. Please.

My Continuing Bad Neighborhood Saga

I am too hyped up to sleep, yet i do feel very fatigued. I am replaying yesterday’s neighbor drama over and over, still processing—-trying to process—- why some people, and how some people can be so mean, and how lying seems to come so easily to them.

Also, how her daughter can justify continuing to brazenly park her shiny truck right where i get hit in the face with bright afternoon sun reflections, even though i have TOLD them this is a real thing for me, a VERY real sensory THING. I asked her why she can’t find it in her heart to have at least that much of a heart for me—-to just not park there in the afternoons, so i am not forced to have to shut my door when i don’t WANT to shut my door!!

I have to now keep several pieces of cardboard notebook backings to block her sunlight reflections out, and this means me not being able to see freely out my front screen security door.

How is this fair to me?

What happened yesterday? Basically, i was sitting here at my computer and was on Facebook, while waiting for my caregiver/friend, Connie to come. My next door neighbor, who knows full well that i am Autistic with multiple other Disabilities, drove up, as a passenger in her sister in law’s car. Her sister in law was driving.

When this sister in law comes, she always makes it a point, knowing i need my driveway clear for Connie and other company that may come, as it is my driveway, and they are not supposed to use it or block it or park crowding it…….does just that……in the past, she has parked right in my driveway, and when i spoke up about it, she then began coming and parallel parking right against my driveway, blocking it. In addition, she loves to honk her horn…..another thing i hate.

Yesterday, L drove up with her sister in law, and they proceeded to park right in front of my driveway, blocking it….knowing full well that that was the time Connie comes. When i began to yell and scream, she refused to move. I called L over to my front door to talk to her, who began lying saying she wasn’t parked there that long. Sister in law was still outside, now parked normally, in front of L’s house—– and when my discussion with L grew increasingly louder, because i was becoming angry at her lying to me about everything and justifying her daughter having the right to park in front of their house—-L’s sister in law suddenly jumped out of her car, and came lunging, in an angry rage fit, at my front door, screaming and yelling all kinds of mean names at me.

I was trying to tell L that even though her daughter has a right to park on street in front of their house, the sunlight blinds me, and is a sensory issue for me—-and i am asking for this as a reasonable accomodation for my Disability—-that was when her out of control sis in law came lunging at my front door like she wanted to rip it open and beat me up.

When Connie came, she left, but not before laying on her car horn several long loud agonizing times, and yelling at me some more, while making obscene hand gestures too, at me.

The whole incident scared the shit out of me, and i do not do well when people go off on me like this lady did. People yelling at me and verbally attacking me, is also a huge sensory issue for me, and it takes me days to fully get over something like this.

I needed to put this into a blog to help process through this, and to show how we Autistics are still treated by most of society.

To be honest, i do come across many Neurotypicals who are really cool, who take the time to listen and understand me and accept me. But for every cool nice Neurotypical person, there are the ones who are snotty and attitudinal.

I am looking into legal channels to remedy my next door neighbor situation. Because i should not have to be a prisoner in this house that my mother bought for me from one of my sisters to live in so i would never ever be homeless. I am also working with some very nice people from the police dept. on resolving many of my other neighborhood issues that have been ongoing—-the car club and auto shop and warehouse bullies, and their loud hot rodding, loud thunder bass and loud animal noises.

This is exactly the reason why i refuse to live in another apartment where i am in close proximity to the other neighbors that we hear everything that each other says and does.

Living here for the past 24 years (trying living in two other places that were apartments for two short time periods in late ‘93, and early ‘94) has forever ruined me mentally and physically. I grew up being traumatized by family, and schoolkids and school teachers….. and my PTSD from just that runs deep. Add to that, this street for the past 24 years, plus several friendships that went sour because most people don’t do too well with me as i am too complicated for them—-[sarcasm]—-then all of the nightmare caregiver experiences——ummmm, let’s just say, i am still here, but i am deeply unhappy because now i have even lost my physical health——yeah, tension will do that to ya——and i need to move where i can have the sensory peace i need.

I know this was a long read. But i needed to get it out.

NT’s And Reasonable Accomodation

The following is a rant i just posted on my Facebook wall. Because….NT’s need to read this.

Because….this is a thing. This is a real thing.

NT’s who don’t care, who don’t want to learn about my Autism, and who remain hell bent on doing what triggers me anyway, plus who refuse to grant what IS for me, a reasonable accomodation,…………………

as i hate, and have always hated harsh bright blinding light in my eyes, are what makes life hard if not impossible to live. This includes bright sunlight right in my eyes.

I did not feel that asking for my neighbor to either have her supposedly grown ass 23 year old daughter move her huge monolithic black shiny pickup to a different spot just for 2 1/2 to 3 hours each afternoon, so that the bright late winter sun won’t blind me at my computer………………..

or have her daughter, who does work, purchase a tarp to put over her pickup when it is parked there,—-so that the bright sun doesn’t come into my house—-is being unreasonable.

That bright sunlight from her parked “castle” keeps me from being able to use my computer.

Is that fair to me?

Yes…..it’s a public street. She has a right to park anywhere on the street.

However, being that i have alot of fears and sensory issues about having to change my actual inside environment so i can better cope with all the bullshit i have to cope with sensory wise outside….example, change my whole entire living room around when i am perfectly comfortable with it the way it is, and when my house is too small to just be able to change things—–especially when this someone knows and is aware——instead of them being nice and making one small accomodation for me so i can use my computer freely—–is downright cruel.

It would traumatize me to have to move my TV and computer to different spots. I cannot handle changes like an NT person can. Changes make me more prone to meltdowns because my world, my whole comfort zone, has just been upset. Me moving my living room around would be an undue hardship for me. Changes makes me disoriented and i shut down.

I don’t know why people want to keep insisting on not seeing and understanding Autistic and Neurodivergent people.