One afternoon in April, i was upset, so i wrote a series of Vaguebook posts, and because i write when i am upset……and i mainly write to educate the general public about what it is like to be a middle aged adult who is Autistic so people will understand, get us, and accept us, i want to compile my vaguebooks all into a blog post.
What is it that helps flowers to blossom and bloom to all their glory? It is not yelling at them to grow already, and standing over them and forcing their peddles to unfold when they aren’t ready to unfold. And to be callous and cold with them. They need patience, actual warmth and affection, to be slowly and lovingly cultivated, and they need water, sunshine, and food.
For me, it is not being harsh and critical of me. And cold and callous. For me, i grow when i know i am truly accepted and when i am okay to be me. When it is okay for me to say “I am Autistic.” When i know my feelings, both happy and sad, and the ones that are painful too, are truly validated.
all you can do is just go to your room all the time
I am going to bed now. I am tired, depressed and feel like things are never going to get any better for me, that they are just going to keep getting worse and worse.
I am not doing this as a pity party. I am crying out for real HELP!!!
Even though i was told i would have the speed radar trailer here another two weeks, it was taken yesterday. Abruptly taken. Cold turkey.
And as far as the speed sign is concerned, in my situation, it was honestly not a matter of them “playing favorites”…..i needed that speed sign. For the sake of what is left of my health and sanity and peace of mind.
I’m an Autistic adult who has so far had no choice but to be forced, by economic reasons, to live in a neighborhood where the loud street full of louder hot rods, is 20 feet from my front door, with tin buildings all around that amplify this awful noise even louder, and that speed sign helped calm this loud street, and me, down.
The speed limit on this street is 25 MPH…..but without the speed sign, ppl routinely scream through here at 35, 40, and i am sure, even above!! Add in loud vehicles that are modified to be loud, and it turns me into a screaming mess many days.
Tbh, with all the money our police dept is spending on buying even more of those pole-mounted surveillance cameras—-yes they purchased 10 more of those, and have another 9 already up and running to boot, all around town—-so, why on earth is it that they only have three speed radar trailers?????? If they can afford to buy all of these surveillance cameras, i feel that they CAN AFFORD to buy more speed trailers too, so that i can have one on my street, for the sake of my HEALTH.
When this street is wild, with ppl speeding, i have more frequent and very bad meltdowns.
I AM hoping to find some way to move. But that is a pipe dream as i don’t have the money to do so.
So i suffer…..from sometimes 6:30 AM till sometimes midnight, with loud screaming speeders. Daily.
I had the speed trailer here for one whole month, and it really DID calm this street down A LOT…..and i had way less meltdowns as a result. I was even starting to venture outside to sit and watch the speed trailer do its work. Which has actually been making my legs feel and work better!!
Now they took it away from me.
Abruptly. Cold turkey.
They took the speed radar trailer away yesterday afternoon. It was taken away by a strict police seargant who, IMHO, does not seem to get that having this here was a real thing that i needed—it became my friend, as well as a reasonable accomodation for a Disabled Autistic adult who is housebound, and so far, unable to move from this noisy place.
It helped make my life semi-bearable and semi-happy for the past month.
I am not able to go out and work, or even be a part of my community. I no longer have a car. I am a shut-in now. With no place to go to escape the loud noise.
I needed that speed sign.
That matters to some of the police, thank God—-kind police like K and J. But not others.
Disability accomodation denied to me again.