Please imagine what it would be like if you were sitting at your computer, you were a 57 year old autistic adult, and you were housebound, unable to go anywhere because of your legs,and on the other side of the wall behind your computer was an eight foot tall giant round steel encased subwoofer bass speaker turned all the way up, throbbing and thumping like louder than hell thunder right overhead..
That is exactly what my entire afternoon was like yesterday.
That is what noises that are sensory issues to an autistic person are like. Especially when the loud subwoofer bass was used as a weapon to terrorize me by the bullies in the auto shop two decades ago, along with their loud souped up motors on their motor vehicles, just because they have always felt it a sport to do the things they know will cause me to scream and yell hysterically, and in sheer agony, because to see me in agony is sheer fun to these men. And it still is sheer fun to them.
This loud bass that i had to endure and suffer with all of yesterday afternoon, was actually three blocks North of my house at a park—and even though a sweet young female presenting police officer went over to that park to ask them to turn that bass down, they turned it up all the more,and they turned it even LOUDER as they were closing at five PM yesterday afternoon. In fact, this bass was still going on at 4 minutes after the 5:00 PM quitting time.
I spent my entire afternoon in utter agony because of this bass. This bass was just like being forced to have my entire head squeezed into a tight grip to where i feel it is going to explode from the thunderous vibrations going on right inside of it. My ears get turned into vibrating mini subwoofers.
It was only after that sweet officer came to my house to let me know they would be taking care to see to it that it didn’t get out of hand again, AND that they were going to be shutting it down at 5 PM, that i calmed down somewhat.
My mom and i both kept calling the police to get them to stop this awful noise. My mom even told them she was afraid i would end up having a stroke, because i was Literally. That. Upset.
Finally at 5:04 PM, when it was even louder, i called again.
Only this time, the dispatcher transferred me to the watch commander. My hell became horror when a lieutenant who does not like me picked up the phone.
I made the mistake of trying to talk to him. I began by telling him i am autistic, as he knows, that i was scared to speak to him, because i heard he was mean, and he became angry right away, telling me:
“Is this about the beerfest going on at the park and the loud music they’re playing? if so, it is closing down, and you will just have to sit there and put up with it till they stop.”
I told him that it was louder than ever, it was unbearable, and what it was causing me, which was PAIN.
His response: “I don’t care, we’ve already sent an officer over, and we’re not going to send another one. You will just have to put up with the noise till they stop.”
I asked him “Don’t you understand autism at all?”
He got angry again: “Look, i’m not going to sit here and argue with you—”
Me: “I’m not trying to argue with you. I am trying to educate you about autistic people and what it’s like—”
He cut me off: “I don’t need to be ‘educated’! I already know what i’m doing—-”
I said: “But i am trying to make more friends at the police dept.!”
Him: “I’m not here to be your ‘friend’! I already KNOW you, you have a long history of having problems at that address, and frankly, i have no time for your problems!”
Me: “Can’t you have any compassion? Police need to have compassion—”
Again he cut me off: “Look, i don’t HAVE to have ‘compassion’ on anyone, and i don;t have any compassion on you. I’m not going to do anything to help you. I am hanging up now.”
I have been one hot mess ever since that awful exchange with that police monster—-which is just what he is. People like him, and dispatchers who are also shrill and rude, are the reason why we become afraid to call the police, or to even say hi to them and smile at them when we see them. It affects me on all levels, and deeply when people are rude, dismissive, shrill, harsh, and try to silence me and invalidate my feelings. I literally feel i don’t matter anymore when i get treated and talked to like that lieutenant treated me.
People like him have no business getting promoted to police lieutenant, or being allowed to interact with the public, if they cannot have compassion and know how to treat others like human beings.
The way he treated me and muzzled me and completely invalidated my agony, was nothing but inhumane, and it has caused me terrible PTSD flashbacks all night long.
The Santa Maria Police Department should be ashamed of themselves for allowing their officers to treat the people they are hired to protect and serve like we don’t matter.
They should not promote officers who are known to have a negative attitude. Period. Full stop.
One afternoon in April, i was upset, so i wrote a series of Vaguebook posts, and because i write when i am upset……and i mainly write to educate the general public about what it is like to be a middle aged adult who is Autistic so people will understand, get us, and accept us, i want to compile my vaguebooks all into a blog post.
What is it that helps flowers to blossom and bloom to all their glory? It is not yelling at them to grow already, and standing over them and forcing their peddles to unfold when they aren’t ready to unfold. And to be callous and cold with them. They need patience, actual warmth and affection, to be slowly and lovingly cultivated, and they need water, sunshine, and food.
For me, it is not being harsh and critical of me. And cold and callous. For me, i grow when i know i am truly accepted and when i am okay to be me. When it is okay for me to say “I am Autistic.” When i know my feelings, both happy and sad, and the ones that are painful too, are truly validated.
even if they aren’t, i am hypersensitive to it
I am going to bed now. I am tired, depressed and feel like things are never going to get any better for me, that they are just going to keep getting worse and worse.
I am not doing this as a pity party. I am crying out for real HELP!!!
Even though i was told i would have the speed radar trailer here another two weeks, it was taken yesterday. Abruptly taken. Cold turkey.
And as far as the speed sign is concerned, in my situation, it was honestly not a matter of them “playing favorites”…..i needed that speed sign. For the sake of what is left of my health and sanity and peace of mind.
I’m an Autistic adult who has so far had no choice but to be forced, by economic reasons, to live in a neighborhood where the loud street full of louder hot rods, is 20 feet from my front door, with tin buildings all around that amplify this awful noise even louder, and that speed sign helped calm this loud street, and me, down.
The speed limit on this street is 25 MPH…..but without the speed sign, ppl routinely scream through here at 35, 40, and i am sure, even above!! Add in loud vehicles that are modified to be loud, and it turns me into a screaming mess many days.
Tbh, with all the money our police dept is spending on buying even more of those pole-mounted surveillance cameras—-yes they purchased 10 more of those, and have another 9 already up and running to boot, all around town—-so, why on earth is it that they only have three speed radar trailers?????? If they can afford to buy all of these surveillance cameras, i feel that they CAN AFFORD to buy more speed trailers too, so that i can have one on my street, for the sake of my HEALTH.
When this street is wild, with ppl speeding, i have more frequent and very bad meltdowns.
I AM hoping to find some way to move. But that is a pipe dream as i don’t have the money to do so.
So i suffer…..from sometimes 6:30 AM till sometimes midnight, with loud screaming speeders. Daily.
I had the speed trailer here for one whole month, and it really DID calm this street down A LOT…..and i had way less meltdowns as a result. I was even starting to venture outside to sit and watch the speed trailer do its work. Which has actually been making my legs feel and work better!!
Now they took it away from me.
Abruptly. Cold turkey.
They took the speed radar trailer away yesterday afternoon. It was taken away by a strict police seargant who, IMHO, does not seem to get that having this here was a real thing that i needed—it became my friend, as well as a reasonable accomodation for a Disabled Autistic adult who is housebound, and so far, unable to move from this noisy place.
It helped make my life semi-bearable and semi-happy for the past month.
I am not able to go out and work, or even be a part of my community. I no longer have a car. I am a shut-in now. With no place to go to escape the loud noise.
I needed that speed sign.
That matters to some of the police, thank God—-kind police like K and J. But not others.
Disability accomodation denied to me again.