I am writing this appeal now, folks, because my life as a multiply-disabled 62 year old adult cannot go on like this. I am writing this in the fervent hope I can find a few local friends, and maybe get the attention of those in higher places who can help me to finally find my place of happy and secure in life.
While I am still somewhat able to enjoy it.
My current situation, being that I am multiply-disabled now, continues to be a daily hell of me feeling like horrible black walls of doom are closing in on me fast with no visible real way OUT….and I am drowning with nowhere to go but horribly
//U N D E R//.
Can someone who has the financial means, compassion and understanding of my autistic existence, please take me under your wing and adopt me? Just to give me a bearable quality of life, and a sense of real family and belonging that I never had with my biological family?
I am now officially a senior citizen. As stated above, I am autistic, lonelier than lonely, in deep financial debt, and have deep anxiety, depression, C-PTSD trauma, numerous nightmares, trouble sleeping and staying asleep,— because I am worried to death of becoming totally homeless and destitute when my mother passes away.
Because of my disability of Autism, I have never been able to work my entire adult life, and have instead, existed all these years on SSI, then Social Security Survivor’s benefits, Medicare and Medicaid. And Section 8 Housing Assistance.
Except for my mother and two sisters who all live out of state, and my two awesome sweet angel caregivers, I have no physical and emotional support. None.
My mom and two sisters care, but they cannot help me financially beyond paying for my TV, internet and my landline and cell phone. My mom also pays for my city trash, recycle, green waste, water, and sewer services.
I am partially living off my credit cards, and am in over $12,000 dollars of debt now. Because I get very little to live on through Social Security. Even though I budget and pay all of my bills—my electricity, natural gas and three credit card payments—on time each and every month.
And it has gotten worse to make ends meet since COVID.
And well, as for my family, the rest of them— my 3 other siblings, and all of my nieces and nephews, sadly have //nothing// to do with me.
Some even have me blocked.
Because they all view me as a problem and burden because of my meltdowns and sensory issues….and this greatly hurts and breaks my heart into a million pieces.
In addition, the states where my mom and two sisters live are way too hot for me climate-wise, and too rural and isolated, with even less services than I have here in CA, so I am unable to handle relocating to those states so I can be physically near them.
My current living situation is so small and confined, is very noisy, is like a tight hot wooden box to me, and I //need// to be in a bigger place. Where I can see pretty flowers, trees, and the sky.
In addition, my cottage that I live in, and the cottage next door, are owned in part by my mom, and the very 3 siblings who ignore me and have me blocked.
I am told repeatedly that these 3 siblings—-no, NOT my mom, just them— want to sell my cottage and the one next door and have me just thrown into a rest home to vegetate and rot all alone for the rest of my life….and this adds greatly to my distress, fear and worry.
I feel like life is passing me by, literally. The fact that the home I live in is not my own, but belongs to those who are trying to edge me out and into one of those “homes”….terrifies me to a literally utterly horrible degree.
All I have to look at here are mostly awful ugly yellow tin buildings and hard ugly hot glaringly sunny asphalt and concrete.
In addition, I have been on in center hemo dialysis for 4 years now, and although my labs are always great, it greatly weighs on me that I now have what *IS* a terminal illness now.
I long to visit the ocean again, to hear and see it again. I long for local friends who will get me and not try to change me to what they want. Who will take me to the ocean and other places and just sit and hang out with me. Without judgment.
I would also love to be able to attend a liberal progressive church, and cannot do that either, because I have no way to get there either.
I am only semi-mobile now, due to lymphedema on both of my legs and lower abdomen areas. And a large lymphedema lump that is the size of a football on my inner left thigh. My legs and lower abdominal areas are badly disfigured by the lymphedema.
I can barely walk, as my back, hips and knees and legs all lock up on me in excruciating pain if I walk or stand too long— and I have to use a cane, walker, and wheelchair to get around. I can no longer drive…and can only ride in the front passenger seat of sedans or vans and SUV’s that are low enough for me to be easily able to enter and exit these vehicles.
This leaves me feeling stuck and cooped up like 24/7.
I live in a constant state of distress, fear and worry because of finances and my living situation. I wish I could just find a support network of those who understand my autism…who won’t become angry at me and give up on me when I have sensory overload and meltdowns.
Who will be here for me.
My main life goals have always been to be able to see the whole Northeastern US including New York City, plus Northern Michigan.
I long to tell my life story as an autistic growing up totally misunderstood and alone. I also long to draw again and to sell my artwork.
My home—and my life—has become an unbearable never-ending jail.
I need help before it is too late, please. Because I am seriously drowning.