My Night Of Lamentations

I have no hope whatsoever for a decent existence now. No more will the police help me, and the mean bully across the street knows this, and is giving me the night from HELL. I do not know if i will make it now. I am sick, having one meltdown after another.


 

I don’t care about whether it rains or not anymore
I don’t care anymore because nobody cares about me
I don’t care because i evidently do not matter to most ppl
I don’t care anymore if they haul me off
I don’t care if they kill me
I just want out of my misery and hell.


 

I have lost all faith in humankind and in God now.


 

I am so upset and discouraged at the way my police dept has decided to blow my problems off that i left several of the Santa Maria groups i was in. As soon as i am able to move, and know i can move somewhere decent, it is not going to be anywhere else in Santa Maria. I can promise you all that!! I am DONE with this town and the way its police dept has let me down!!! Done, done, and done!!!


 

I needed someone to physically talk to right now, so i called the national crisis hotline. I wish i could say it made me feel better.

What would make me feel better right now is to win enough money in tonight’s (Weds) night’s lottery, so i can move away from this pit of hell as fast as i can. To a place where i know i won’t face bullies who torment me right outside of my house day and even night. Like i have here. Where i also won’t have to call the police anymore either.

I no longer consider police my friends. At all.


 

This night is lasting way too long. And then i know my daytime will be more of the same of what i had yesterday. And now i have no more police to help me. This feels like one long dark tunnel that i cannot seem to climb out of.


 

I am an Autistic adult in peril, and i need help, please!! I need for my community to see me as the human being i am, to see my plight as the very real nightmare it is, and to not force me to have to endure it any longer. I no longer feel like i am at home here. I no longer feel safe. I no longer feel like i am going to make it. Because my police dept has given up on me.

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