Rivers Of Anguish, Rivers Of Hope

Below are some of my latest posts. Because i am needing to write. because i really do need help. Because i really do need a way out of this jail i am trapped in. This jail that is made up of my toxic neighborhood, and the tiny 550 square foot box that i am confined to.

Sunday, Sept. 18, 2016–7:03 AM

“Oh boy, the sun is up early!! GRRRRRRRRRR!!! 😑 It’s gonna be hot today….i am so not looking forward to that!!! 😑

Grumpy me is going back to bed because it is still nice and cool right now, and i will just hope for the best, that my house doesn’t warm up too badly.

Just…..GRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!! 😑 ”

Sunday Sept. 18, 2016–2:53 PM

“Oh God, this is AWFUL!!!!!!!!!! My living room is an awful hotter than Hades OVEN this afternoon—-i should have had the A/C window open—-it is not, and I AM SUFFERING HOLY HELL!!!!!!!”

Sunday Sept. 18, 2016–4:14 PM

“I am okay now. My mom called the fire dept. for me, and they sent a nice police officer over to open my A/C window, so now i have the A/C going, and my living room is cooling off nicely. It got very HOT today, and i was almost ready to suffer heat exhaustion. Because here in my living room, it felt like it was 100 degrees. I was seriously burning up.

I REALLY hate my Sundays though, because i am alone with no one to help me at all on Sundays. At least i know i can call the fire dept or police if need be.

I think i will go cry now. I really feel like crying now. πŸ˜₯ I HATE having to be alone anymore!!!! πŸ˜₯ “

Sunday Sept. 18, 2016–5:10 PM

“I am glad i did not have to die in my hot living room today, very thankful for the nice police officer who opened my air conditioner window for me—very thankful that my air conditioner still works!!! πŸ™‚ “

Sunday Sept. 18, 2016–6:09 PM

“The KSBY website says Santa Maria is still at 80 degrees as of now. YIKES!!!!Β :O “

Sunday Sept. 18, 2016–6:56 PM

“I am glad the sun is setting now. I really want to move where it doesn’t get hot like this!! Yes, i am serious about this!! Because……i actually had to get a police officer to come to open my A/C window today because i was getting overheated to where i was going to pass out.

I had my mom call the fire dept. to do this, but instead, a nice police officer showed up to open the window for me.

Like i say—i’m glad i had this help. Otherwise i would have had to call an ambulance.

I am going to go eat dinner now.”

Sunday Sept. 18, 2016–8:44 PM

“Here are the places i would go if i could still drive and still had a car—but i had someone who would go with me so i am not having to go all alone:
*The San Luis Obispo Farmer’s Market
*Avila Beach/Harford Pier/Pismo Beach/Shell Beach
*Avila Valley Barn
*The movies
*Panera Bread
*Solvang/Los Alamos
*Downtown Friday Nights farmer’s Market
*Applebee’s
*Cool Hand Luke’s for ribs
*San Luis Obispo downtown/the mission
*Morro Bay/Cambria/San Simeon
*Crumbles Restaurant
*F. McKlintock’s for ribs
*Woodstock’s Pizza
*Waller Park
*a nice laid back church that accepts Neurodiverse, LGBTQ, and all marginalized people
I wish i had local friends who would take me to these places. I wish i was not all alone. I wish my family cared about me. I wish i was not in this trap, this cage i am in.”

9:43 PM

“I just watched the news as it was on after the Sunday night NFL football game, and found out that today’s temp in Santa Maria got up to 96 sizzling hot degrees. No wonder i was having heart palpitations, and feeling hot, flushed, and like i was going to pass out!!

If i had not of had my mom call to get someone over here—-a nice police officer came—-to open my air conditioner window, i could have died today. I am still feeling very rattled, and am now afraid to turn off the air conditioner for fear i will feel like passing out again.

96 degrees is way too hot for someone like me to have to sit in a living room that has turned into a hot oven; because of my leg condition, and i am also 3x to 4x plus-sized, with a new problem: low kidney function….i cannot get by without the air conditioner.

I am going to have potato chips dipped in ketchup now. Because that is what i am craving. I am also craving soft and doughy homemade sugar cookies. But i don’t have those, so….yeah…..

I hate my Sundays on desert island!! πŸ˜₯ “

9:44 PM

“Yes, 96 degrees is way too hot for me!!! 😦 “

I then posted memes about Autumn, because i love that season, when the leaves all turn such beautiful colors, and the days are just warm enough to be comfortable, and the nights are nice and cool. I also posted a meme about all of the soft and doughy looking Christmas cookies i would love to have this Christmas.

I really am alone, and so lonely for local friends.
I am lonely to have more caring people in my life.
I am sad because most of my family coldly ignore me.
I am in pain all the time because of my legs, and this leg tumor makes it so hard to even sit and enjoy my computer.
This Spring and every Spring now when the hills are bright green from our winter rains, i always miss getting to get out on drives to see them and take pictures of them.
I long to live where i can see beauty outside—not these ugly yellow tin buildings all day long.

I am hoping that i can at least get my own speed radar trailer. I made a Go Fund Me page for that, and to also raise the money for a move to a place whee i will have the above things i so long to have.

I so hope someone will help me, please.

https://www.gofundme.com/2ckkdc4

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