Today Was One Of The Worst Days For Me

The following is taken from an eariler post that i posted on my wall today, plus some things a new friend and ally who i am growing to really love, as she really gets what i am going through, wrote to me today, articulating and validating my feelings my feelings.

I have been a wreck since the police came and took the Wanco speed trailer off of my street, as many of you know. The police are now totally ignoring my emails and phone calls that i make to them pleading for their mercy and continued help, and to have the Wanco radar trailer placed back on my street.

I am now in the process of creating a GoFundMe with both short term and long term goals—-and am creating it with the hopes that the end result will be my getting moved to a quiet location where i can finally have my peace and my sense of safety and sanctuary back.

My post……with explanations added for clarity…..

Weds., June 1, 2016 at 8:18 PM

“I have been having the evening from hell so far. It is just now calming down.

The street has been loud and fast freeway style driving in a 25 MPH zone all day today and this evening. I have had multiple meltdowns over just that alone.

(And even more meltdowns over my next door neighbor’s inconsiderate daughter’s actions, and the car club.)

The car club is here now too. They announced their presence with their loud God-awful vibrating thunder bass….that brought about more meltdowns.

Then my neighbor’s daughter decided to start her truck up and sit in it, letting it idle so long that my house was filled with the exhaust fumes, and making me cough. More meltdowns.

(The loud bass, followed by the neighbor’s daughter’s toxic truck fumes, made me really scream in agony!!)

The speed radar trailer they put here 7 days ago, has never been turned on, and still has not been turned on as of now. I have gone downhill mentally and physically ever since the police’s traffic sergeant ordered the Wanco yanked from my street on April 26th. I feel it not only calmed the traffic down, but it became a friend to me in that i actually for the first time, felt safe enough to start venturing out of my house to sit in a chair on my front lawn to watch it flash and blink. it gave me a sense of comfort that no NT can understand.

Now the cops are totally ignoring me. And i am continuing to suffer each day. I have gone back to dreading having to wake up from sleeping……this can’t go on. I can’t go on like this. I want out of this whole town because i do not feel like i am welcome here.

I am in sheer agony still tonight. I badly need a way OUT!!!!!!!!”

My friend’s messages to me:

“Hey Melissa! First– I want to say, we *need* to get you out of there. I’m willing to help you get a GoFundMe going and have you okay whatever is said in the description before it goes up. I think we need to think in terms of your short-term survival, and long-term. In the short term, we should raise funds to get speed bumps put in place. If anyone speeds through your neighborhood at that point, they do so at their own peril. They will be in for a nasty shock, and if they know what’s good for them, they’ll quit speeding ASAP.

Then– we need to get you a housing/moving/basic care fund going. You and I can discuss where, if anywhere, you’d feel more comfortable moving away to.”

To which i replied that i felt the Wanco speed trailer would be much better than speed bumps, because it has a giant electronic sign with big bright bold amber colored fonts, and that i needed the Wanco back on my street, both for my peace of mind and to calm down the traffic, because it worked really well when it was here!!

She wrote back:

“I think you and I both know this current speeding/neighbor/living situation is destroying your physical and mental well being.

And you’ve endured all of that for far too long.

It is not humane for you to have to live in these conditions.”

She also wrote:

“We could try to raise money to have two permanent Wanco speed trailers on your street. (One on each side) I don’t think that’s too much to ask. All the cops have to do is set (them) up, acknowledge it’s your private property, and leave them be”

She went onto say this, and this is the God’s honest truth:

“I just want to say– the empath in me hurts for you intensely. I see you posting so much about how much you’re suffering, every day, multiple times a day, because of the horrible speeding issues on your street……I relate a great deal to how you’re trying to cope with a (screwed) up world. You do (what other Autistics with PTSD and who have been bullied so much) often do– fixate on something. In your case, it’s the Wanco speed radar. Your logic makes a lot of sense on that, actually. You had that speed trailer there, and finally felt you had some control in your life over a daily, painful issue– speeders with their loud, obnoxious hot rods.

And (when you had the Wanco speed trailer there) you felt safe enough after years of isolation to go out your front door– and breathe actual fresh air. And I’d call anything/anyone who gave me that much peace of mind a friend, too.

You also have your a****** neighbors who f****** traumatized you to the point you were terrified to leave your house alone. That’s completely f****** unfair to you– and horrendously abusive of them.

So, there’s all these elements at play, all different flavors of anxiety and depression. And your physical and mental well being are the price for your a-hole neighbors and inconsiderate drivers.

If I were in your shoes? I’d want to flee. Get out. But you don’t have the financial privilege to flee. So that’s where the GoFundMe comes in. We’re bailing you out. You’ve endured that bullshit way too long.”

She also said:

“And I also think you and I know exactly what the police department is thinking with all of this. They’re thinking with their NT brains, and also thinking about all the other police work they have to do. They’re like “maybe she’ll stop calling if we just leave this speed trailer here.” They got exactly half of that equation right– maybe less. They gave you a speed trailer– but didn’t turn it on.

That’s why (having the Wanco there, and turned ON, working properly) made you feel calm. Because people drive by, see how fast they’re driving, and slow down.”

(My words…how can they obey a speed radar trailer that is just a blank black screen, that is not turned on?)

Back to my friend’s words:

“And of course, one part of the equation they’ve majorly (screwed) up is in being empathetic to your issues.

Because, they’re ignoring you.

And that’s not easing your mind.”

No, it is not easing my mind. It is making me feel all alone and isolated again, and like i am being forced to endure more suffering because the police somehow feel i “choose” to live in this cess pool.
Little do they know that being i have been on Section 8 and Social security all of my adult life unable to work to become self-supporting, to be able to realize ever, my lifelong dreams and goals, that i have been stuck having to live here due to no way out….and when is this hell and torment ever going to end for me? 

I can only hope that someone with legal expertise can see my plight…..and that the police are denying me their services, because they seem to think i am just a nuisance…..and help me to get the help i need, then i can get the money to finally be able to move out of here.
Advertisements

3 thoughts on “Today Was One Of The Worst Days For Me

  1. mramos76

    Hope something is done soon & you can finally have some time in yout life that you don’t have to be afraid & can finally live in peace. .I’ll always keep you in my prayers. Hope it all works out for you & you can finally live your life out in peace, love & happiness.
    Love always,

    Melissa Ramos

    Reply
  2. melissaautisticfields Post author

    Update: After writing this and contacting two watch commanders at the police dept., the speed trailer that i still have here as of this morning, Tuesday, June 7, 2016, was finally turned on at 1:00 PM on the afternoon of June 2, 2016, the same day i wrote this early morning blog. Since the speed trailer was turned on, i have my friend back, only in a different trailer, and my street is much calmer again. As are my meltdowns too!! 🙂

    It is my fervent hope that the police will keep a properly working speed radar trailer here on my side of the street, where i can see it working, for as long as i continue to have to live here, for the sake of my health and what it does to me physically when i get upset and have those bad meltdowns because of the street being so out of control when i don’t have a traffic calming device here. Whether it is one of the Wancos, or the RU2 Systems one, i am fine with either of the three. I also hope they will purchase more speed trailers, so that i can have a working speed trailer here. This street is truly an unbearable highway without it.

    I still plan to go forward with the GofundMe page, with the short term goal of purchasing two Wanco speed trailers, one for each side of the street, and then funds for me to make a move to a place where i will have friends, and a real connection to my community…….things i don’t have here….plus hings like a Disabled accessible shower, and a mobility scooter.

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s