The following are my latest correspondences with the local police concerning my living environment and how my quality of life has suffered having to live trapped here in an unhealthy neighborhood full of noises that are like drill bits, and whips….noises that vibrate inside of my head, making me scream hysterically to make it stop…..please, make this stop….
I wrote these emails over the course of the past few days this week…..and putting them in this blog so that people can better understand and get what we as Autistics, go through when the system fails to give us the help we need…..and the help is inconsistent…..
Dear K and J,
Is it silly for me to be so fascinated by a speed radar trailer that i have to take drives to see it at least three times a week, that i have to post picture after picture of it, and that i get so excited to sit in front of it and see how it displays each person’s speed in real time, and how it flashes when people go over the speed limit?
Or am i okay?
I have even made an imaginary friend out of this speed trailer and have been a state of real deep mourning ever since they came and took it off of my street on April 26th. It had been here on my street for a month, and it helped!!
I have actually been bombarding both the police commander and my beat officer with numerous emails begging them to put it back on my street, ever since they came and took it away.
Not only did it calm the traffic….and my meltdowns down, its presence was a real comfort to me.
It is my honest opinion that police departments need to be understanding towards Autistic people. My hugest dream is to see this world be a much more inclusive, friendly and accomodating place for us. That is my mission in life.
It is hard, if not impossible, for an Autistic person to adjust and adapt to an NT world that thinks in black and white and everyone being able to fit into neat little circles when some of us are square and triangular and diamond-shaped .
Because life has grey areas, i am sorry, but it does. And many of us who are neurodivergent are diamond, square, rectangular, triangular, hexagonal, and so on, shaped.
There is nothing wrong with that, or us.
I was created by God and put on this earth by Him/Her/Them as an Autistic for a reason, plus given the gift of writing, so i could educate and open people’s eyes, minds and hearts….that we who are Autistic, are not faulty broken appliances, or behavior problems to be solved, cured, and fixed….we are Disabled and unique human beings with a neurology that has to be considered, accepted, and embraced.
Because God makes no mistakes.
Hi K and J,
It does not mean i am crazy —-i have used this coping mechanism to get through a very hard life of 56 years of being misunderstood, rejected, thrown away, and abused a great deal by family, schoolkids, teachers, a series of very bad caregivers, abusive friendships that traumatized me, and even some of the police i have dealt with who have scared the living daylights out of me. The LV experiences still haunt me to this day, as does the awful encounter i had with NC, and awful phone calls with DP.
J and K,
Having meltdowns now, so i can’t type well…..i meant to say another beat coordinator who will work with me and be as kind, compassionate and understanding of my plight as J has been with me. Scared i am going to hear even more bass. This is utter hell that i cannot escape….. 😥
Dear K and J,
And i am also frustrated that it seems as though every time i do get a nice someone who listens to me, who treats me like the human being i am, who really “GETS” me and what i have to endure…..they either get transferred or promoted and then i am back to Square One again.
I need help. Please. I need some miracles. Because, ironically, i still have a small mustard seed of faith left in me. (Pictured below is the Wanco speed trailer.)