Please Listen, This Is My Heart Breaking

I almost did just have a complete breakdown.
Once and for all…..i am Autistic.
And i always am going to be Autistic.
What normal people can handle comes very hard for those of us who are Autistic, to handle.
This includes the way our environment is.
My environment has to be void of certain types of lighting, smells, textures, certain types of music, yelling, temperaments, extremes in temperatures, noises, etc., or i can go into a total spin cycle and then from there, it is a domino effect.
I am not this way on purpose.
This is the way i am neurologically
and it is not something that can—-or should—- be fixed and cured, so stop.
Yesterday, was one of those days where everything seemed to go wrong. One by one by one, it all went wrong.
Tonight it all got capped off with the car club which has been here for the past two hours, screaming loud hot rodding back and forth repeatedly past my house, and turning up their loud vibrato bass.
I first noticed it when i was watching today’s General Hospital, which i had to watch tonight, by subscribing to Hulu Plus
because i made a mistake and wrongly thought that today’s episode got pre-empted by a presidential news conference.
(Edit: I have just found out that this time, GH did not get pre-empted by yesterday’s presidential news conference.)
Afterwards, when i went into my kitchen to get some ice cream to enjoy… when the hot rods began to parade repeatedly back and forth, and gun their motors in the parking lot East of my tiny cottage.
Just now, i went to turn down my TV sound on the sound bar, and by mistake, i hit the damn bluetooth button and suddenly lost ALL of my TV sound altogether.
Yes, i screamed and even began to cry loudly.
Because THIS——on top of today, AND on TOP of the CAR CLUB coming back in the 10 PM hour at night——was way too much for me to take anymore.
People, i am fragile. I am very sensitive.
Both inside and out.
I can’t be without my TV and music and computer.
Yes…i finally looked at my owner’s manual when i was calm enough to do so, and i reset my sound bar, and it works again.
But the car club is still here.
They still keep going up and down the street.
I am so tired.
All i want to do is fly away and go sleep under the Northern Lights
and all the bullies leave me alone and go away now.


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