When I Say No, I Mean No!!

Early this morning my doorbell rang as i was organizing drawers in my bedroom. It was a caregiver who i had for three times off and on from late May 2013 to Feb. 28, 2014, a lady in her forties named JuJu….not her real name. During her times with me, she would talk down to me at times, insult me, slap my lotions and creams on me, tell me no, she was not going to do what i was asking her to do, and she would make me wait on my needs. In addition, she made me have to cancel several of my doctor’s appointments. The biggest thing though, was that she was always, always asking me to give her gas money for her car…..to the tune of $25 to $35 to sometimes $45 per week….i could ill afford to be giving her this money, and would try my best to tell her i can afford maybe $10-15 a week…..but she said no….. we would have to limit things if it was any lower than what she was demanding i give her. I was always broke because of her, and had to resort to paying only minimum payments on my credit cards, because she took so much money from me. I even had to go to the bank and get three cash advances off of those cards so i could afford to pay her for her car expenses she said she had because of my errands.

JuJu was one of a long string of very abusive caregivers that i had from March 2012 until i fired JuJu on February 28, 2014, and finally found Connie in March of 2014. Things got so bad while JuJu was my caregiver, that i was actually making serious plans to move to Michigan. But then shortly after i fired JuJu, and got Connie as my caregiver, the lady who i was going to live with in MI, suddenly turned mean….so my plans for a new start in MI were off.

I then had to suffer through two more bad caregivers when Connie and i took a one month break earlier this summer.

My wall post from Facebook tells the story of what happened this morning. I wrote it well after JuJu’s visit, after i had gotten done watching YouTube videos, which i watched to help get me to calm down.

“~~~I just got done watching YouTube. That has helped to calm me down some.
But yes, i am still very scared. M, the first temporary caregiver who i had when Connie was gone for that one month, and JuJu, KNOW one another. M also knows JuJu’s Apostolic Christian sister too. They are all friends with each other. How i know this? Because when M was working for me, she asked me about JuJu and Jess, and told me right out that they were all friends.

And now? Tonight? JuJu pulled up her big black pickup truck right into my driveway at 1:45 AM this morning, and rang my doorbell, because she wanted to come to visit me and see how i was doing. She looked disheveled, and was wearing dark pants and a thick black coat with gold buttons down the front. Yes, even though we are in the middle of a heatwave, and the outside temp was still 67 degrees at that hour of the morning, that was what she was wearing.
I opened my door, and she asked if i remembered her?
I said “Yes, what the f**k?” and then
“What the f**k are you doing here?”
She said “I just came to visit you and see how you are doing. I knew you would be up, so i thought it’d be okay to stop by.”
I was like “Ummmm, at THIS hour of the morning?”
She got nervous and said “Uhhh, maybe i should just go, maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.”
“No, it wasn’t,” i replied, “I meant it when i said i never want to see you again. You were mean to me.”
She was like “Okay, if you want to be that way,” and then kept yelling at me in a snotty tone of voice as she went back to her truck.
I told her that she needed to leave now, or i would be calling the police.
She did start her engine and leave.
I called the police anyway, and told the dispatcher everything about JuJu.
A nice officer came, and i told him everything. He said he is on all night tonight, and that he would patrol my street all night long.
Today is one day when i can hardly wait to see daybreak.
Yes, i am still scared shitless!!!~~~”

When i say no, i mean no!!! 

When i say i no longer want to see you, i mean that.

When i say i cannot afford something, i mean it.

When i say i don’t want to be talked down to, gaslighted, demeaned, treated as “less-than”—i mean that too!!

To JuJu…..M…..A…..CeCe…..KT…..Sh***y…..Jess……Little Jess……i am still processing through all of the emotional and mental hell you all put me through. Please don’t get angry because i need to write, vlog, and blog about it. I am writing about this not to slam and badmouth anyone, but because this is part of my story. And it is an important part of my story.

Because you all abused me physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially. You all abused me by also gaslighting me.

But above all……please…..do not call me, email me, seek me out, or come to my house anymore……when i say no, i mean no…..i never want to see or hear from any of you ever again…..because none of you understood me, none of you respected me, none of you realized that i am not a monster, that i am not a behavior problem……

NONE OF YOU REALIZED THAT I AM AUTISTIC!!!! AUTISM is a neurological developmental disability. No One can fix, cure or make me non-Autistic. This is who i am, and who i will be till the day i die. This doesn’t give you a pass to hurt, exploit, abuse, and discriminate against me in any way.

I will say it again…..DO NOT CALL ME, VISIT ME, EMAIL ME, OR CONTACT ME IN ANY WAY, SHAPE OR FORM. When i say no, i mean no.

Or i will be forced to take legal action. And i will.

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