An Open Letter To My Family, My Friends, and My Community

Yes, this letter is to my family, friends, and my community.

I am not a monster

and i nam not crazy

I am Autistic

Which means my mind thinks differently than yours.

I process things differently than you do.

I hear noises more than you do.

My sense of smell

Taste

Touch

Vision

and hearing

is much more heightened than yours is.

I have a uniquely creative mind too

I have a unique sense of humor

I also feel empathy and compassion for others, and i care

and i care alot more than you know

Again, though,

I am Autistic. 

I was born this way.

I will die this way.

Because my Autism is lifelong.

It cannot be cured and fixed 

and made to go away.

I cannot take my Autism off like it is a jacket.

So when you ignore me, shun me, and reject me

when you block me on social media and

won’t even let me have your

email addresses and phone numbers

when you treat me as if i am

bad and wrong

because i am different

when you shut me up and won’t let me speak

when you call me mean names

when you look at me funny

when you taunt me and tease and chide me

and don’t include me in your conversations

and activities

when you invalidate the words i speak, and my feelings

and dismiss them and me

when you tone police me, talk down to me, and patronize me

when you treat me as if i am a criminal and a leper

it hurts and makes me feel as if i am an alien in my own skin

you may not see my heart breaking or my tears

but they are there, and these tears run like raging rivers

because i feel so alone and alienated and cut OFF

this lonliness aches with every breath, 

every step i take

i am alone every Thanksgiving and Christmas now

i so dread the holidays now because of that!!

I never even get to take trips up to Idaho

to see my mom and family

I no longer trust my city’s police either

and am

deathly afraid of them now

because of how awful they have made me feel

and some of them still mistreat me

shut me down and won’t let me explain

that yes, i AM being bullied by

the employees and their friends

of several nearby businesses

that this is happening almost 24/7 now

it is my fervent dream to be able to move

from this torture chamber i am living in

and to have finances set up 

so that i can make it my whole life

it is my fervent dream that all in the disability community 

will have a decent life set-up and safety net

that no more cuts will ever be made to our safety net

that our families will also step up to help us

so that we are properly taken care of our whole lives

i hope that my family will read this and know

how lonely i am

that this is not me “behaving badly” 

and

“lying”

and

“causing drama”

or me

“being a diva”

and 

“twisting things”

or

“blowing things out of proportion”

or

“using my Autism as an excuse”

Nor am i

“hiding behind the shadow of my Autism”

Please take the time to open your minds and hearts to me

before it’s too late

I am not a curse, and neither is my name a curse

help me so that i can

have all the things on my bucket list that i 

have so longed to be able to do my whole life.

My artwork, life story being published, travel

to see Northern Michigan, New York State,

New York City,New England, Eastern Canada,

Great Britain, Northern Europe and Scandanavia

and to be able to see the Northern Lights and the Midnight Sun too

Help me so that i don’t have to feel so afraid and alone anymore.

help me so that i can have legs again, and a car again,

so i can go to the ocean whenever i want,

and i can have

the peace and independence i once had, back again.

I am a human being

and this human being is hurting beyond what she can bear

because she is unable to work for these things herself

this human being has had enough.

Please help me, in Jesus name, 

Will someone out there

Please help me.

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