Why We Need To Not Stay Silent About Abuse—My Caregiver Story—Part One

I think this time, i have finally found new caregivers who are going to truly work out for me. At least i sure hope so. It took me having to finally post on a local FB Classified group to find these new caregivers.

 But my quest to find good quality personal care assistants, has been a long rough two-plus year road for me……

 a road that has been mostly one majorly huge and unreal nightmare for me…..a nightmare which actually started out in November 2011, with a private caregiving agency here in town, where the director who i shall call ND, was one of those charitable do-gooders types who decided to take me under her wing so she could fix and cure everything that ailed me.

 Yup, that’s the truth.

 I did okay with her, until i managed to test her patience one too many times…..and then, wham!!!…..like alot of people before her in my life, who, because they don’t get Autistic people, and don’t **want** to get Autistic people, turned right against me….

 this was because,

1), i dared to call her too many times for things like my food order gone wrong at a pizza joint, and my street issues, and then,

2), my caregiver who i had go into the grocery store for me, knowingly got the wrong milk for me, and waited till we got clear home to spring this on me!! The ensuing meltdown i had from that episode, caused the caregiver to instantly walk out on me, and then ND and the agency’s director both promptly kicked me to the curb.

 Because my meltdown frightened them all too much.

 My mom immediately had to search for another private agency, as i was still not yet approved for IHSS services…..and my physical health was deteriorating so much by that time, that i was driving less and less….so, i really needed personal care—-and ASAP.

 A second agency was called, and that man decided, instead of coming to my house, to interview me over the phone, and when he did, and found out that i live across the street from the Big Bad Auto Shop, he began to lay into me, judging me and accusing me of having way too many boundaries. When i melted down because he wouldn’t listen to me, his reaction was “Oh, we cannot subject our caregivers to this kinda thing!” And he hung up on me, leaving me in tears…..

My mother found a third agency in a town 22 miles North of here, and they were more than willing to work with me. We went with them. I finally had two awesome caregivers who came in two to three times a week. But in the meantime, i had another HUGE blow come my way, when my then friend of six years, “Roger”, also not his real name, suddenly and inexplicably turned against me…..

Suddenly, i went even more downhill. I could not understand why Roger would turn on me. I tried to find out. I wrote emails to him. I had my mom call him. Then he wrote back a series of ugly mean emails that really knocked the wind out of me. I have saved those emails for legal purposes. He also began to come onto my YouTube channel and flag my videos and leave nasty threatening comments on them, threatening to have me yanked off of both YouTube and Facebook for merely telling my story, which i had a right to do, as i was using aliases and being as careful as i could.

I had to tell my story, and he would not let me.

 Even though he had caused me holy hell.  

 At that time, my left foot had developed a sore so painful on it, i could not walk well anymore, and when Roger turned on me, i actually stopped driving. I was now literally afraid to even get behind the wheel of a car and go places by myself anymore.

 I haven’t driven since. I sold my car that summer.

And i got approved for IHSS, and then that started a whole new level of nightmares for me. I went through three awful caregivers, none of whom lasted even a day, because they were so rude and hateful and had NO clue….and then came Jessica L., in May. She was a sweet angel, for the first two months she worked for me, until she moved next door to me with the intent to help me even more. Things quickly became another nightmare, as she began losing her temper with me, and with more and more frequency, yelling at me, and calling me names. The kicker came when she told me to take my Autism off and start acting normal, and then when i was naked in my bedroom, for my bed bath, she lost it, calling me a smart ass, and threatened to leave me there naked to fend for myself. Seriously!! I fired her shortly after that, because i knew that with her already yelling at me, that she was going to progress to calling me the R word and then hitting me. I had enough……i went into a tailspin……i went into my bathroom and chopped my hair all off, ripped some of my clothing that i loved to shreds…..i was broken. Broken to the core now.

 To Be Continued……



4 thoughts on “Why We Need To Not Stay Silent About Abuse—My Caregiver Story—Part One

  1. longchaps2

    You’ve faced a lot, but you do it with bravery and perseverance. Remember that you have always been the one in charge in the end. That counts for a lot. You don’t let them win.

    1. melissaautisticfields Post author

      Thanx, Susan!! 🙂 ❤ ❤ I'm not gonna lie, this hasn't been easy…but i guess just like the Energizer battery, i refuse to give in or give up, because God would be one pissed off dude, and my mom and two of my sisters would be sad, as would all of my awesome friends i do have on Facebook, and you, and the few other local friends i also happen to have. I will make it!! I'm bound and determined to…and by telling my own personal story, i am showing that others do not have to be victims either!! 🙂

      1. longchaps2

        That’s right, you have to keep on pushing on my friend. You WILL make it and you WILL find happiness and you can’t ever give up. You will never be a victim because of that. Always remember that lion inside you girlfriend!

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